Change of plan to the change of plan

It's one step forward, two steps back here on the treatment trail. Our recent change of plan has now had yet a further change of plan. This happened a couple of weeks ago, but what with my adventures in Popsicle Land, I am only just getting around to telling you about it. I'll try to keep it simple, but I am beginning to think that if things carry on this way, I am going to need to start using Excel spreadsheets to keep track of what is happening.

To briefly recap where we had gotten to- we felt it was taking too long to get seen at the Ass Con Centre, so we decided to seek treatment in the Other City ("the O.C."), pending a number of other tests which they required of us before we could be seen.

In pursuit of the necessary bloodletting, I went to see Dr Best Friend a couple weeks ago, and I mentioned to her that the O.C. also wanted a record of a "recent" Pap smear test.

"How recent is recent?" she asked. " Your last one was in November '03, and we only do them every three years as standard."

"Um, I'm not sure if that is recent enough or not. E. spoke to them, and all he wrote down was "recent". But I'll phone and ask," I said. "Not that I am keen to deprive yet another person of the chance to rummage around my fanoir, but you know, I'd just as soon skip it, if possible."

Actually, I didn't say that last part. But Dr Best Friend is so good, she is almost psychic, so I am sure she knew what I was thinking and understood completely.

So I phoned the O.C., just to check. Also to make sure E. had not accidentally omitted to write down any other crucial tests which we might need. Whereupon I learned a very valuable lesson. And that is, in future, I need to take charge of the treatment related phone calls.

When E. phoned, he was told that the steps were as follows:

1. See consultant (appointment available almost immediately).
2. See nurse (for reasons we still cannot work out)- 3 week-ish waiting time.
3. Start treatment right away.

So I phoned and spoke to a very nice woman, who confirmed that my "recent" smear test of 2003 was recent enough for them. Oh, goody. She also confirmed all the tests we needed (and yes, there is a rogue one in there which I am not sure I have- E2- gotta check). And THEN she tells me the first appointment with the nurse is not "until the end of April".

At which point I nearly dropped the phone.

"Excuse me, but HA HA HA HA HA, I thought you just said end of April. For the nurse. End of April is HA HA HA HA, quite a long way away."

"Um, yes, it is. But that's the first appointment."

"I thought it would only take a few weeks to get that appointment after our consultation."

"Oh, maybe your partner got it wrong then. Or maybe we've developed a bit of a backlog since then. And after all, you haven't had your consultation yet anyway, have you?"

"Er, no. Because we needed to get all the other tests done first. Ahem. Could you possibly explain why we need to see the nurse? Who, as I understand it, is going to maybe weigh me and then tell us stuff we already know?"

"That's the procedure."

"Oh. I see. The procedure. Wow, that's extremely useful information. Well, OK, I'll get back to you. Assuming I can manage to redial, once I get finished putting my fist through the fucking wall. Byeeee!"

Not good.

The upshot? The appointment at the Ass Con Centre is a WHOLE MONTH before the first possible appointment with "the nurse" at the O.C. Well, in actual fact, it is now only a couple weeks away because, as I say, I'm only just getting around to telling this story now.

So with a headspinningly fast volte-face, we're all about that Ass Con appointment, and the O.C. is placed firmly on the Plan B back burner. However, apart from the fact that they have been a little ditsy about things so far, there is still a six month waiting list for fee paying patients at the Ass Con Centre, and so we might be coming back to Plan B sooner rather than later.

I wish I could laugh about all this, but frankly, I am really beginning to taste desperation at the back of my throat. We are not a kick in the arse away from having been trying for two years, and still, we wait. Wait, wait, wait. Everyone around me and their pet monkey have gotten pregnant while I ovulate and menstruate with maddening, unsuccessful regularity.

Time to get started on developing Plans C and D. Excel spreadsheet, anyone?

Comments

[Sara in London]

Oh dear *hug* I know how you feel hun & you are not alone. Here's proof:

1. We are 1 month exactly from having been trying for 2 years, that's 2 year's worth of 'perfect' 28-day cycles & ovulations. I've never even been able to kid myself that it might be worth buying an HPT.

2. Our next consultation (in which we decide what to do with the rest of our lives & which was booked the first week of November) has been moved from March 29th to June 30th so that the poor, hard working doctor can go on his holidays.

3. Next month we are spending a week in a tiny cottage in the middle of the Scottish Highlands.

Spooky, non?

[Miss W]

I have to say, things aren't much better here in the Land of the Free. Here we are, nothing covered through any kind of national healthcare. Competitive economy blah blah blah. And yet if I call RIGHT NOW I wouldn't be able to see my dermatologist until September. When I first started with my fertility clinic, it was more than a month's wait to get in. And now after all the tests? All I'm going to get is a PHONE CONSULT!
So, you know...no matter where you are, it all just sucks ass. I just really don't think the REs have ANY idea what this really means to us. Sure, they claim to, they say the right stuff, show us statistics; yet to them it's never really more than a challenging science fair experiment. *sigh*

[-Blue]

Sucks arse is right. What's up with all this? I thought we had doctors coming out of our ears ...

Well, Mare, I'm very glad you're back, sorry you had to knock the icecicles off your extremities upon getting home though.

The shite about the wait ... well ... there's nothing to say after: "SUCKS ARSE"

I will comment on 'proceedure'. I am convinced that this is a combination of money-making tactic and helping some superfluous nurse feel useful. We have a similar 'proceedure' at my docs office. Every time I get to see this crabby, condescending, tight-lipped old nurse who goes over my chart AGAIN. Nothing's changed but I STILL have to go over the family history and be subjected to a barrage of tests. Idiocy!

*sigh* Here's wishing you an unexpectedly speedy outcome!

-Blue

[Soper]

What about Belgium? You could stay with Sailing Chick and learn to say things like "snottebel aan de neus hangende" which roughly translates to "snot nose." Only it sounds so much cooler in Dutch!

Or Bulgaria? Or, god forbid, the US? I mean, we gotta get you outta that fucked up system ASAP.

[Karen]

I'm sorry, that is so frustrating. If it makes you feel any better, neither me nor my pet monkey are pregnant yet either. I hope you're able to get moving more quickly than you think.

[Amanda]

Waiting sucks. Good luck with it all.

[Anna H.]

Ugh. Oh Mare, I hate to see you having to jump through hoops (veeery slooooowly) like this. It just sucks and that's all there is to it.

Oh, God, the waaaaaiiiiiting... it doesn't help, but my barren pet monkey and I are waiting with you.

xxoo

[Emily]

I'm sorry Mare, that sucks. Miss W is right, even here in the US, where you have to pay out of pocket because it's not covered, the wait is two months, if you're lucky. I just made my mammogram appointment (which is covered) for 4 MONTHS out. Gah!

Don't worry, sweets, you never have to worry about clicking on my site and finding me or my pet monkey pregnant ;)

xxoo,

[Amyesq]

Oh Mare, that is ridiculous. The waiting is definitely the worst part, since you feel like you are just spinning your wheels. If it makes you feel any better, I don't think either I or my pet monkey are pregnant either.

[Suz]

I'm so glad to see you back, but this clinic shuttle bus ride is getting ridiculous. I hate waiting too and am sorry that you have to go through this. If it helps, both my pet monkey and myself are completely barren; I can't speak for the goldfish, though.

[Danae]

Holy crap!
Waiting bites.

Thinking of you, Mare.

[deborah]

Fuck! I don't have a pet monkey. Maybe that's my problem?

[Heidi]

Wow. Does that ever suck. you must feel like banging your head on a wall or something. I'm so sorry.

[Kristin]

Oh honey, I am so sorry the appointments and plans are so screwed up.

[Dead Bug]

Madness--pure madness. So sorry that something as seemingly simple as scheduling can be so fraught with madness.

Oh, and speaking of everybody and his neighbor? I just read that Demi Fucking Moore is pregnant. Naturally. At 42. Surprise! But she should be proud of herself...she's given up smoking already, and she's only 8 weeks along! (Please, someone, tell me this is just a National Enquirer rumor or something...PLEASE.)

Sorry. Off topic, I know.

--Bugs

[cass]

Oh, Mare. I hear you on the jumping through hoops - I had to go to an intro class, and then meet with the Nurse Practitioner and only then could I even make an appointment with the RE. (And each had a long wait...) Crazy making, I tell you. They make it so damn hard, and then wonder why we're bitchy...

[Menita]

Shit, Mare, what's the deal? Agree with Cass: "They make it so damn hard, and then wonder why we're bitchy..."

[Heather]

Hello
This isn't really related to this particular blog - just to say there's a programme on ITV about IVF tonight at 9pm. Should be interesting.

Heather

[sweetisu]

How annoying. I hope you haven't banged your head on the wall too much..