Google Hits a-go go

I'm tired. It's been a growler of a week at work, and there have been some other things going on behind the scenes at the Barn which have sort of sapped me. So to be honest, I am not feeling hugely post-ish at the moment.

In the absence of anything orginial and creative, I bring you that old stand-by: Funny Google Searches.

You see, I was checking something back at the old site a couple days ago, and I happened to click on the site meter. There I found a rich treasure trove of Google search hits- which seems to be the only means by which people still visit that site.

So without further ado:

Men Trouble

"My husband doesn't understand my infertility"

Gee, that's too bad. What doesn't he understand, exactly? Because my doctor seems to think that repeatedly drawing diagrams really does the trick. "This is your uterus. These are your eggs on drugs. Go, sperm, go. Etcetera, etcetera." After a dozen or sketches, what's not to understand?

Oh, and it's interesting how it's your infertility. Call me old-fashioned, but I always kind of thought infertility was a shared thing between a couple.

"My ex-boyfriend is having a baby"

Huh. I wasn't aware that technology has advanced that far, but I can see how it would piss you off that he's doing so, if you still can't manage to get knocked up!

"My boyfriend won't propose"

No, mine neither, damn him. I try to take comfort in the fact I nonetheless have secured his undying love.

"Made to measure lingerie beneath his kilt"

Again, huh. I do have some experience in the old under the kilt department, but so far, I've not encountered, er, lingerie. Quite the opposite. Interesting notion, though. I wonder if there is a market for "Mare's Kinky Kiltwear".

"TTC Classique"

"Should I lift heavy objects after an IUI/IVF/during the two week wait?"

Good God, no! I don't know about the medical reasons, but that's what menfolk are for- or possibly your more energetic female friends. Personally, I plan on taking "relaxation" to new levels during my 2ww. If at all possible, the only lifting I will be doing is raising the ice cream spoon to my mouth.

"Is a strange flavour in my mouth a pregnancy symptom?"

Um, dunno. Could be. It wasn't for me that time. But I have heard that others have experienced odd mouthy sensations that tipped them off to the big ole BFP in the Sky.

"Giving up coffee before IVF"

Well. Yes. I've said I would, but I suck, and I haven't. SO SUE ME.

Equine sexiness, or possibly just eeeeeeewwwww

"SEXY PIGGY"

Yes? You summoned me?

"mare clitoris"

Yes, I have one. I have no idea if horses do, as well. I've never gotten close enough to look.

"Can I fuck mare"

Dearie me. I don't know if you can, but if you are referring to me personally, then no, you may not. I am spoken for, and in any event I usually require a bit more foreplay than that.

If you are referring to actual horses, then I don't really care what you do, but I don't want to know about it.

"Can a man get a mare pregnant?"

Well, it would appear in the immediate case, the answer is no. Again, if you are referring to actual horses, well, please do your genetic cross-species mutation experiments in your own time.

The Sad Ones

"Pregnant, but worried I'll miscarry"

I am very sorry to hear about that. I wish I had some insight to offer, but having never been pregnant, I am probably not best placed to advise. I suggest you try the next blog along, down the hall, second door on the right. Good luck, I hope everything turns out OK for you.

And now, I'm going to flop on the sofa in my low slung, oversized jeans and a cold beer, to mindlessly watch crap telly with E. til our eyes bug out and brains seep out of our ears.

Comments

[Jen]

Who knew that this infertility blog was just an elaborate cover for kinky horse sex?

People keep getting my site for "virgin mojito recipes," and I feel a little bad, cause they're probably pregnant and then they stumble across bitter old me! Oops!

Hope things look up soon, my dear.

[reprogirl]

Don't go too long without posting, 'cos it always makes me so happy to see a new one. And that is what it's all about. Making me happy.
I haven't been around long enough to get any really wacky google searches, but my favorite so far is "why disapprove of baby showers."
Ah. So many reasons.

[Lala]

That's pretty funny, most of my google hits come from people wanting to know if Penelope Cruz is anorexic. That'll be the last time I talk about the Oscars!

[Soper]

Ever since the religion coffee talks, I've started getting lots of hits for "Jewish Oral Sex" and "Luthern view of masturbation?"

God love 'em.

[moogielou]

I am currently sequestered to one room in our home while the "get your house ready to be on the market cleaning crew" guts the rest of the home. I'm bored. I'm lonely. I'm hungry. I was in need of entertainment. And your post helped me out in that regard. I was especially partial to your "equine sexiness".

Please send food if you can.

[Pamplemousse]

Enjoy your flopping! Hope it is a holiday weekend for you too!

[Emily]

Man, everyone gets the good searches except me. *stomping*, *pouting*.

Have a good weekend.

xxoo,

[Heidi]

As soon as I figured out today's topic, I got all geared up for some good bestiality-based searches. You didn't disappoint. People are really sick, aren't they?

I, on the other hand, keep getting nice and wholesome searches for accordian.wav and sasquatch. I'm doing something wrong, aren't I?