The Blue Folder

We have exactly two months until we have our appointment with the nurse at the O.C. They continue to be slightly vague as to exactly what will go on at that meeting, except that the session apparently includes something called "implications counselling". Heh. I like the sound of that. "The implications of this treatment are that it may suck ass a whole lot, or just a little bit. Oh, and you may or may not get pregnant."

Anyway. Two more months. It seems like a long time, but I am guessing that it has the potential to pass very quickly. Or at least I hope so. Having made up our minds to do this IVF lark, I am now extremely keen to get on with it. This is fairly typical of decision-making in the Mare household. Swither, swither, swither and then a bold leap into action. Or, er, possibly a timid hop into action.

In the meantime, there isn't much else to do. E. has to have yet another SA at the O.C. (where they will hopefully not be too full of BS and where I pray I will get PG, PDQ, OK?). And I have just had another FSH test, the results of which I will get sometime this week, but assuming there is nothing alarming there, we are good to go.

And then we wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait.

Oh, look, is that paint drying over there?

In order to make myself feel as though we continue to step in the right direction, I have been focusing on the "back office" part of treatment. Namely, the filing, bill-paying and organising of the various bits of paper that have filtered in over the last year and a half. God, I love to file. Like some other people, I am renowned for it. Filing makes me feel as if I am making some small in-roads into the chaotic soup of the uncontrollable. OK, so I may not be able to control when I get pregnant- but at least I can lay my hands on the result of my 2003 smear test in less than 3 seconds.

I spent a very pleasant afternoon hole-punching and arranging all test results for both E. and myself over these many months. Referral letters. Invoices for payment (only two of those far, but ooh, just wait.) Old charts from back when I still bothered taking my temperature. Explanations from the different clinics about their treatment policies. Letter from Ass Con advising as to our placement on NHS waiting list (HA!). Notes of key phone numbers and opening times. Hmmm. I should really get some colour coded dividers.

All of this information has now been compiled into the "Blue Folder", a medium sized ring binder with a pouch at the back for miscellaneous papers and flotsam. This folder in its fledging incarnation has already been toted into both Ass Con and the O.C. much to the amusement of one of the nurses, who cooed, "Oooh, you're organised." Lady, you have no idea. You ain't seen nothing yet.

The cover of the Blue Folder is presently a little bland though. I am considering ways to perk it up- making it less of a grim File of Doom and more like, a File of Fluffy Optimisim. In fact, I was thinking of covering it in brown paper, like we used to do at school, and drawing little pictures of eggs and sperm with a big love heart between them. "SPERMIE HEARTS EGGIE. TRU LUV 4EVAH." Only instead of a cupid's arrow through the heart, it will be a giant syringe.

What do you think? Any other ideas? All whimsy welcomed.

Comments

[Suz]

After carting decaying manilla folders around, I put everything into a three ring binder at the end of the last treatment. It's black and I never thought of decorating it. Might could just wrap the funny papers around it or maybe print out some of the Infertile Myrtles to give myself something to read while waiting.

[aliza/babyfruit]

Oh if only I could be so organized. I do keep a calendar - one of those cheap weekly calendars you can pick up at Wal-Mart. But I'm more apt to have random papers flying, several manila folders in different places and most of the critical data archived on my blog. When I need to know last year's levels, I check the blog because I can never find my calendar when I need it. Like now - where the hell is that thing?

[Amyesq]

Fuck. Two whole months. Fuck.

Trying to come up with a cute idea for your folder, but too early in the AM for me. No coffee yet, maybe later.

[Amanda]

I have an IVF binder. It's gray and boring looking but does the job. I brought it in with me for my first IVF consult and got the same reaction you did. Now the poor binder has been used and abused and is stuffed full.

It sucks that you have to wait so long to get started. Waiting is one of the worst parts of all of this. I hope those two months fly by.

[expat]

Now that's interesting.

My stuff is in three seperate manila folders (money, info and results), with an additional B5 notebook with handy cover pocket for immediately necessary paperwork.

I definitely recomment the notebook, as you can pop it in your handbag, and have it ready at all times - especially in the ,middle of cycling you don't need the receipt for the cycle, but you do need somewhere to write what your E2 was, and when to come in for a scan.

Mine has all the clinic contact info on the back page, then questions to ask on the inner back pages (ah, the naivete, one of the first is "ask about FET protocol", then they degenarate to things like "karyotype?" and "PCOS in ED?"). On the first page I have my patient ID number, then a page for each tracked cycle - with all blood tests, results, drugs, scans, etc written in - diary and treatment record all in one.

I'm stoked you're really keen to start the IVF - I agree that waiting is the worst part of all.

[Ova Girl]

Yes, congratulations - on both firm decision making and being organised. I am total crap at both.

Got some ideas for your folder though!

OK.. firstly how about some horse picture paper or horsey stickers - this will be obscure to others but a reminder to you of your kick ass blog.

You might also use delightful fruit imagery or inspiring lush landscapes.

You may choose green which is a creative colour or maybe red which is the colour of the base chakra situated in the girly downstairs bits.

But my fave is to get some lovely pink satiny material and cover it in that and then maybe some kind of faux fur (you choose the colour) to line the edges and then your folder will be kinda like a square, information filled... vagina.

I'm just brainstorming here girls.

(brown paper idea with sperm and eggies also v.nice)

[Jen]

Look how organized you are! Very proud of you, my Control Freak friend! This reminds me of one of my silly notebook experiences...

When I was in law school, for my evidence and trial practice class, we had to create a "Trial Notebook," which our professor reviewed and graded. In addition to the usual trial stuff--notes, questions, charts, etc.--on the last page we included an ad I'd clipped out of a magazine, showing a beatific woman smiling, with the caption "Breathe yourself into a happy place." When our professor questioned its inclusion in our notebook, we told her that it was essential to a good trial experience for us--whenever we got stressed, we could just turn to that back page. Perhaps you could include something similar, or a picture of a fluffy kitten or monkeys juggling bananas? Just something random to put a smile on your face?

I also love the "decorate your folder like a vagina" idea--perfect! I think something fluffy and completely frivolous is definitely in order.

[Pamplemousse]

The nurses laugh at me when I pull out my super-tony Cross filofax! Bitches!

Mare, you put whatever pleases your little heart on your folder but I am not sure about making it look like your hoo-ha. I did contemplate an Anne Geddes diary for keeping track for about a delusional nano-second but then I bitch-slapped myself out of that one haha.

Fuck, 2 months to swither!! I have waited a year but I did not know that beforehand. If I had, I would have gone loop-de-loop.

[Dead Bug]

Maybe a photo collage, like we used to do with our Pee Chee folders? Instead of pictures of Duran Duran, however, it could be pictures of the new idols: Follistim, Repronex, Gonal-F, PIO...and don't forget to throw in some nice shots of syringes and wipes.

--Bugs