Archeology

The phone rang during my nap, and E. answered it. I didn't even hear it ringing, actually, as I was lying in bed at the time, burrowed far under the covers and buried beneath layers and layers of pillows.

Many pillows are a feature on our bed. I'm not quite sure how we ended up with so many- sometimes I wonder if they have been breeding in the night. Big square pillows, normal sized pillows, small cushiony decorative pillows. I like them, but E. hates them. When he gets into bed, he proceeds to divest the immediate vicinity of all pillows but the one for his head.

I, on the other hand, need at least three pillows to get to sleep- two for my head, and a "cuddle pillow" to spoon up against. Ideally, the spooning spot would be filled by E, but he likes to cocoon himself in blankets, like a mummy, which makes it hard to get ahold of him.

As a rule, I dearly love napping, and seldom need an excuse to slope away on a rainy Sunday afternoon for a snooze. I confess though that on this occasion, it was a form of depressed, escapist sleeping, designed to take my mind off the fact that my period had showed up right on cue. Which once disproves that old wheeze that impending IVF treatment gets you pregnant.

E. came bounding in the bedroom to wake me up. First, he had to excavate through the topsoil of pillows, sifting out unwanted artifacts such as discarded socks and hankies, until he found me curled up in a sleepy ball.

Dr Billy Flynn just phoned," he announced.

"That's interesting," I said, wiping the drool off my cheek. "What did he say?"

Dr Flynn was phoning to give E. the results of last week's SA. The observant among you may be aware that over the course of the last year, E. has already had two sets of swimmer scans, both of which came back with a good count, but with the morphology just a wee bitty off. This, his third, was run within the O.C.'s. own lab as a precursor in the run up to tailoring our particular course of IVF.

"He says I'm above average! The results are all better than normal," E. chortled.

Of course, when I quizzed him, he was unable to give me specifics, like numbers or percentages. I looked at the piece of paper on which E had recorded the conversation in a series of hieroglyphic-like doodles.

"What does that say?" I asked, pointing to a squiggle.

"Oh, that was the name of the person calling," E. said.

"And that?" I asked, squinting at the bottom left of the page.

"That might say 69%."

"69% good, or bad?" I queried.

"Um. I am not sure. But he said I was all above average, and good."

"Oh," I said, putting down the useless scroll of paper and thinking of my lost nap. "That's good, then."

"Yes. He said we now just have to get to work on you."

"Oh, Dr Flynn said that, did he? Did he refer to me as "pet", or perhaps "chicken", while he was at it?"

"Yes," E. said, smiling the smile of the Smug Sperm Overachiever.

Until he saw my face.

"There's nothing to indicate this is my fault, you know," I snapped. "All my results came back excellent too!"

"I know," E. said. "I know. It's another good sign, though."

And he left me to return to my slumber, piling the pillows like a cairn, back on top of my head.

Thinking about it since then, I know he's right, and I should take it as another positive indicator that our chances are good. That there is nothing obvious to stop this from working. That there is every reason to be optimistic. But unfortunately, that feeling continues to go hand in hand with an unshakeable annoyance at having to dig so deep.

All that digging to find something which, according to the map, should be right there on the surface.

Comments

[Susan]

I often think it would be easier if one of those numerous tests found something, then at least you'd have something to either fix or blame it all on, an answer to the question "why?".

[Soper]

Clearly, you just need to relax.

(stop hitting me! You are so mean! Ouch!)

[ovagirl]

hey that's good news. (and what was E's secret pray tell? C's morphology has been on the low side of average plus he has pesky antibodies.)And your results were good too? So...hopefully all these 'little bits' of good news will add themselves together to make a whopping great chunk of yeehah.

[Pamplemousse]

Our car makes me jealous. A laptop can be plugged into it and a complete diagnostic profile done in the blink of an eye! Why not us too?

Good news about E's results though he is NOT allowed to gloat or be smug.

I am glad that I am not the only pillow obsessive. Ikea are currently satisfying my overweening need for square pillows at the moment. They are much cheapness and I could buy new ones every week if I really wanted.....

[ManhattanAnne]

Oh yes, I hear you. (And Pamp, that's hillarious about the car diagnostics!) The only thing worse than being a Habitual Spontaneous Aborter is being a fricken UNEXPLAINED HSA...

Can you say "co-sleep"? At least you only do pillows, Mare. We keep buying stuffed animals. I know exactly how psychologically pathetic that is, but we can't seem to help ourselves...

[Emily]

Oh yes, Mare, I cleary 'get' the pillow thing. My poor hubby only gets one flat pillow while I'm nestled in like I'm in an igloo there are so many pillows.

Glad that E's test results were good.

[T]

Glad his results were good, but can completely understand the feelings.

[-Blue]

Well ,yay to the good results! As for the smug report, I say it's a Guy Thing. My DH (who has never had an SA) will puff up like a cock-turkey and comment about how his sperm are So Gooood. He doesn't know that. Hell, maybe we have just had, ya know, good luck.

Or I'm shagging the FedEx bloke.

Hey... he brings me stuff, after all.

AND mine is not allowed more than one pillow because he shoves 'em all over onto my side and tries to suffocate me in my sleep.

(That's my DH, not the FedEx guy)

-Blue

[ankaisa]

It's good news! Or is it? I hope whatever it is that is keeping you from getting pregnant is solved when you get treated.

[InSpring]

Oh these men are always so proud of their penis and any thing that emenates from them... Glad the news is good, sorry they're putting the burden on you even though it's "unexplained".

[Kristin]

Its so god damned frustrating to not know why. Hope Doc Flynn can make all your (both of you) good test results end up in a babe.

[Dead Bug]

Here, here--not knowing why is the most frustrating aspect of this whole miserable process. When Jeff's last post-wash numbers came back "Stellar--A1!!!" it pissed me off a surprising amount. I mean, can't he at least be PART of the problem?

--Bugs, who's now thinking she might go pile some pillows on her head and burrow into her own little hole for a nap.