Are we there yet?

Right, I am officially bored with this waiting around for the next appointment shit.

It was amusing for, like, a few weeks. It enabled me to swan about, pressing a pale hand to my delicate chest and fluttering my eyelashes, saying "We're *gasp* doing *IVF* in June/July," before falling in a pretty swoon, calling for smelling salts. But I have known for some time that I am more of a calloused farmhand than a drooping maid. This is our particular row to hoe, so pass me the tools and let's get on with it.

Unfortunately, the lack of treatment action makes it hard to write lively, insightful posts. The Muse, she seems to have decided this is a good opportunity to squeeze in a quick cruise to the Caribbean. Maybe she'll bump into Hope at the bar. I wish she would at least send a postcard.

Really, what I want to do is go to sleep and not wake up until the next big step, when we meet the nurse on 17 June. I don't mean switch off in terms of my whole life as such, but rather, in all things infertility. I've been feeling curiously detached about what lies ahead. I figure that until we know more about the specifics of our treatment, there is very little point in fretting myself into oblivion. But the result is I feel very disengaged with the entire process right now. It's something that will happen eventually, but not yet. How exceedingly dull that is.

Interestingly, and somewhat unsurprisingly, E. is not quite as fixated as I am on the next date on our IVF itinerary. He e-mailed me the other day, and mentioned he was going to a conference in London on 17 June.

"No, you're not," I typed back, "We're meeting the nurse at the O.C. that day."

Cue ominous silence.

"Yes, I have the appointment in my diary," he finally replied.

So I sat there trying to decipher this. Did he mean he was going to London anyway, but would try to get back in time for the appointment? Or that he was not going to London? Or that he was aware of the appointment, but he was going to London anyway? Argggggh! Failure to communicate! Failure to communicate!

He was then less than amused with my subsequent snippy e-mail demanding reassurance as to his attendance. How could I be such a nagging shrew? OF COURSE, he was coming to the appointment and not going to London. He was well aware of the need to attend this appoinment. It was uppermost in his mind!

But my dearest muffin, I pointed out, five minutes ago you were not so aware. Oh, details, details. A minor lapse.

I guess as long as he doesn't forget on the actual day, I'm not going to argue with him. I don't have the energy to focus his mind when my own is so adrift- staring out the window from the passenger seat, eyes glazed, occasionally rousing myself from my stupour to check the road map to ensure we stil on course.

Asking, are we there yet? How much longer? Are we there yet?

Comments

[T]

Waiting is the worst. Here's hoping the times passes swiftly for you.

[Amyesq]

Ugh. I hope you are there soon. Your post reminded me of the time Tim said: "Can't we just move your next round of IVF? I think I need to be in Munich that week." I was like: "Yeah, see, there is just so much wrong with that question I hardly know where to begin." Here'e hoping the time goes fast. Booze helps.

[InSpring]

I agree with Amy - drink a lot! I wish I could take some time off, lose some weight, take up a new hobby, too damn old to wait. Enjoy it I say! Drink, take very hot showers and baths, jump up and down a lot - do all those things you can't do later on.

[Suz]

I know what it's like to wait and be impatient, but it's time to enjoy as much as you can. Drink up!

[karen]

Slight change of subject. Wait til you've tried 30 years of seasons of infertility. I'd love to connect with other married, barren mares, who, like myself, are past the point of parental possibilities. Sometimes I get the feeling that we are supposed to just shut up about it. Or perhaps there are no other post-menopausal barren mares like me. The assumption is we could have adopted, so why didn't we? This group is probably too young to have any members at my stage of the issue, but if there are any readers who fit my profile - 55, barren, married to a great guy, but he didn't want to adopt - please write me.

[Mellie]

May the rest of your road trip be detour-free. Waiting must make us stronger, right?

[MsPrufrock]

My first IVF consultation is a day after yours, so I'm also enjoying this long, agonising wait. The appointment will arrive, but then it will be another drawn out, lengthy wait to start the actual process. Yeah, this is fun stuff.

[Pamplemousse]

Tappety-tappety-tap! Yes, that is my foot rousing itself from its torpor. I say, go shopping while you still can.