Saddle sore

Thank you all heaps and bunches, bunches and heaps for your nice comments. I didn't mean to repay your kindness by disappearing off for days on end. But the weather turned unexpectedly glorious over the weekend. In Scottish climate terms, this is roughly the equivalent of winning the lottery and finding a really good pair of designer shoes reduced by 75% in the Harvey Nichols sale ...in your size.

In this country, any sign of sunshine, (no matter how brief) means one must immediately rush headlong into spending as much time as humanly possible out of doors. Of course, for many people this extends no further than heading down to the local pub to sit in the open-air beer garden, usually dressed in unsuitably scanty attire, like a thin cotton haltertop, unflattering miniature shorts and flipflops.  As if somehow "sunshine" automatically equated with "80 degrees", or as if we were in Majorca or the Costa del Sol, rather than a country roughly on the same latitude as Anchorage, Alaska. 

E. decided that this was a good time to get out our trusty old bicycles.  I used to do quite a lot of cycling once upon a time, back in ye olde days when I actually used to have a life other than skulking around the flat, muttering about infertility. Unfortunately, with one thing or another, it's been at least three years since either of us has ridden our bikes, and there was a definite air of neglect in that corner of garage.  Flat tyres, rusted brakes, and a veritable Charlotte's Web of activity adorning the spokes meant we spent most of the afternoon wielding rags, WD40 and the bike pump. 

I can't remember the last time I have seen E. in such a happy mood, cursing away at the left rear valve, and nearly toppling over when his left foot became entangled in my rather complicated pedal clip arrangement.  E.'s solution to that little moment of merriment was to immediately demand I buy a new bike.

What is it with that?  I've had the same bike for 15 years. I've never had any problems with the pedal clips, or the racing handlebars.  The bike was very expensive when purchased way back when, bought for a transcontinental cycling adventure in my more energetic youth, and it's held up well, considering all the miles it has seen. Trading it in would be like...oh, forget it, that's not even an option, so let's not even go there.  Chalk it up to E.'s insatiable male lust for smoother, bigger, better gadgetry.

To prove to E. that with a bit of loving care, the old steed is still entirely roadworthy, we went out for a spin.  And it was such a nice afternoon that we ended up going quite a bit further than intended. We got back without too much difficulty, but the next day, our respective nether regions were feeling more than a little...tender.

Problem is, this was what I have come to think of as "baby sweeps" week.  If I have done my calculations correctly, I reckon we have at best one or two more au natural cycle attempts before we are shipped off to Camp A.R.T.   So I had intended to make the most of our last few college trys, as it were.  Unfortunately, tender nether regions do not assist in that endevour.

Worse, I have a really bad, painful mouth ulcer, right along my front gum. So sloppy kissing was pretty much off the cards as well. 

I did suggest at one point that we pretend I was Julia Roberts' Vivian to his Richard Gere's Edward Lewis - you know, the whole "I do everything but kiss on the lips" schtick.  But E. was curiously unmoved by what I imagine would have otherwise been a rather appealing notion.  Probably because he loathes Julia Roberts.  And ever since the whole "Phinneaus/Hazel peak of beauty glow" thing, I myself find it hard to regard her with much affection, never mind emulate her acting in the boudoir.

Instead we opted for some hedgehog-style lovin'- that is, very carefully. It is hedgehog breeding season, after all.  All those hedgehogs getting busy making little baby hoglets. Perhaps one day I shall give birth to this. 

Comments

[Amyesq]

Cuuute! Baby hedgehog! My parents' dog Fergus, a Skye Terrier, was bred for hunting those. No, that's not true. Badgers. Getting my British rodents mixed up. Glad you had a good weekend and that you managed lots of different kinds of rides. (!! Did I just say that?!)

[Molly]

This post was hilarious. Perhaps you two should invest in cushier bike seats!

[InSpring]

I'm glad some sunshine fell your way. I agree with Molly, get new bike seats, back when I used to think about buying a mountain bike, I saw there were some extra large seats with gell in them, they were lovely.

Good luck with baby sweeps week, sounds like fun...

[reprogirl]

If you do give birth to that, I recommend that you do so...very carefully.

[ManhattanAnne]

Teehee. Beatrix Potter in the bedroom. What will you naught Brits think up next?

[ovagirl]

Gorgeous baby hedgehog!

Be kind to those nether regions...maybe some hotwater bottles or icepacks introduced into the foreplay?

[Sarah]

Lovely hedgehog! I'll make a list of baby hedgehog names for you (Phinneas comes to mind, but surely I can come up with better ones.)

[Mellie]

I love that picture!!! I'm always surprised at the number of males I encounter that don't find Julia attractive.

[Lindy]

Too funny! There's nothing like inappropriate bearing of pale flesh by Brits when the sun appears. Best of luck with the hedgehog sex. May it be more fruitful for you than it was for me. Last month (our last month of giving it the old college try before moving on with ART), I got a positive opk after a day of painful bouncing on a whitewater raft with horrible sunburns that included unplanned swimming for both of us. That we did the deed at all in our black, blue and red state was a true testament to our commitment. The words "wow, it looks like you're wearing a white bikini" were uttered during the process. Ah, the romance...

[MsPrufrock]

Baby hedgehogs are adorable...I say once you're an infertility veteran, giving birth to a hedgehog would be child's play.

[Eva]

OK, it's clearly too late now, but when my hubby and I went on a long-distance, several-week bike tour, we got split-style, gel-filled seats and they made a huge differnce. My best buddy tells me my bicycle seat looks obscene, but it's comfortable!

e.g.: http://www.rei.com/online/store/ProductDisplay?storeId=8000&catalogId=40000008000&productId=47609585&parent_category_rn=4500866&vcat=REI_SEARCH

[Louise]

Wow, thanks for drawing me around the campfire, Barren Mare. I am honoured to be one of the chosen (several of my daily reads have been selected from this very list). Oh, and Eva, I am totally going to find one of those seats for my bike. They might be funny-looking, but if they are comfortable enough for a several-week bike tour, they are worth the investment.