Because the sea is so great and my boat is so small

I clung on to the life raft of "late implantation bleeding" for nearly twenty four hours. It seemed like a real possibility at one point. In fact, it sustained me through the choppy seas of another day at work. Until once again, just before heading home, I visited my favourite bathroom cubicle. That stall has been the port in so many storms over the last couple years, so at least I was in familiar waters.

It became apparent that the life raft had sprung a fatal leak. I am now having what is undeniably the most expensive period of my life. There are sharks in this part of the ocean, and no doubt drawn by the smell of the blood, they moved in for the kill. The life raft went down, taking me with it. It's over.

I somehow managed to get to a small atoll, known locally in these parts as "Youarefucked." And there I sit now, with my heart breaking and my tears mixing with the salt spray. I can still see the lights from the campfires on the beach at Infertility Island not too far in the distance. When I feel a little stronger, I'll try to swim back. Because there's nothing else except a vast expanse of blue of the great, cruel sea in the other direction.

There is nowhere else for me to go.

Comments

[Molly]

Oh, no. So sorry to hear your news. Be kind to yourself this weekend. Foot rubs are in order.

[Emma B]

I'm so very sorry.

[Kate]

Damn it all to hell, I am so sorry, Mare. I was hoping that this would be your only IVF experience and had so many parts crossed for you, that I look like a pretzel. My heart aches for you.

Huge hugs,
Kate

[lobster girl]

Have been following your IVF journey silently, from afar, hoping for the best. I am sorry, dear Mare. So so sorry.

[Anna H.]

Love to you my dear Mare.

I'm so sorry.

xxoo

[mm]

Shit. Shit. Shit. I'm so sorry.

[Thalia]

Shit Mare, I'm so sorry. I'm right with you there on the neighbouring island of "almostcompletelyfucked". I'll be baking some floor cake on the barbeque tonight - want some?

[Rebekah]

I am so sorry. Shit. I had all my appendages crossed for you. I am so sorry.

[akeeyu]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry.

We'll swim out to get you.

[katja]

I'm so, so sorry.

[Emily]

I'm so sorry sweetie, so, so sorry.

[PJ]

Oh Mare, I'm so sorry it didn't work.

[maggieb]

I don't usually comment, but I was really hoping this would work for you. It's just so unfair. I hate that this happens to you and to everyone else.

[Angela]

I am so sorry.

[Jen]

I am so very sorry, dear friend. Much love to you and E.

[Stephanie]

Oh Mare. You have my sympathies. There are no words I can offer to console- just know that I am thinking of you.

[cat]

So sad to hear this news. Sending you support and comfort as you mourn. You will be in my thoughts.

[Dead Bug]

Lovely Mare, I am sorrier than I can say. I will be thinking of you and wishing I could give you some comfort.

Much love to you and E.,

--Bugs

[StacyG]

I just had my IVF fail as well. It so incredibly, totally sucks. Nothing makes any sense and it all seems so fing unfair. I am so very sorry.

[MsPrufrock]

I know there is absolutely nothing I can say to either make you feel better or that hasn't been said more eloquently than others. I'm sorry for your pain.

[Manuela]

fuck fuck fuck fuck
.
.
.
.
fuck.

I'm so sorry Mare.

[OvuOpt]

Oh, my dear friend, my heart is breaking for you. So very very sorry. XO -Lori

[Simone]

Your heart is broken, but of course. We are so disppointed for you as well. It's awful news. Sit tight on your little atoll, a rescue mission has already been launched from Infertility Island. We are on our way to pick you up & make sure you are amongst friends & sisters in your hour of despair. The fire is warm & the shoulders are strong & the hands are held tight. So very sorry, Mare.

[Julianna]

I am so very, very sorry.

If you can't get to us, when you're ready, we'll come get you and try to keep you warm.

Thinking of you.

[Pamplemousse]

Sorry never seems to cut it really but there is nothing else to say. I was so hoping that it was going to work out. I think the fact that there have been so many IVF successes lately makes it worse. It should have been you too.