Is that a pessary in your panties, or are you just happy to see me?

In keeping with the "no scary needle" theme that is the O.C.'s IVF Lite programme, instead of PIO shotes my post-transfer drug regime comprises the insertion of progesterone pessaries (or suppositories, if you prefer) twice a day, morning and night.

I'd had the heads up from Suz that this treatment option could entail a certain amount of yuckiness below. However, I am an ideal candidate for pessary action. Aside from my extreme distaste for needles, I have one of the world's largest collection of skanky underpants. I've been hoarding all these gray, shapeless fraying knickers for so many years, without really consciously knowing why. Clearly, there was a higher purpose to it all (other than just annoying E, who exclaims with disgust every time he sees one of these specimens on the drying rack.)

My main trick to avoiding the inevitable slippage and, um, ooze is to set the alarm for quarter to six, pop in one of those puppies, and go back to sleep for two hours. By the time I get up, the leakage is minimal. I take the next one at six in the evening when I get home from work- and to be honest, a little more oobleck on my old Gap "tracky bottoms" (as they tend to call sweatpants here) is no big deal. E. has promised to take me out to buy new undies when this is all over (note: take me out to buy them, not buy them for me). I think he is secretly relieved to have a compelling reason for a bonfire of the skanky panties.

Ooh, and in other news, my boobs have returned from wherever it was they took off to during the stim part of the cycle. My best guess is they were off doing some sort of extreme sport holiday, like rock-climbing in the Alps, or perhaps trampolining in Nepal, because they are sore as billy-o. However, let us not get too excited about this. Traditionally, I get a certain amount of soreness every month anyway, and let's not fool ourselves that it doesn't have everything to do with the aforesaid pessary, rather than, er, symptoms.

Unfortunately my boobs seem to have brought along a companion in the form of belly bloat. It really is the weirdest thing- being rather a small girl, it is all rather freakish and wrong to have this disproportionately huge pooch. Oh, and the cruel irony is that it is exactly how I would imagine myself to look were I actually, you know, pregnant. I keep thinking it will go away, and then as soon as I eat or drink anything, it is like being pumped full of air, inflated by a giant bellows. Mmm. Attractive. Perhaps eventually the Oompa-Loompas will come and roll me away.

Unless they catch sight of my scary knickers, which I think is enough to frighten off even the most courageous Oompa-Loompa.

Comments

[Lala]

If it's not the Oompa Loompas maybe the BarbaPapas and the BarbaMamas will come and invite you to live in their round house of connected rooms.

[Amyesq]

You're turning violet, Violet! Don't discount the sore boobies too much my dear... I happen to think that it kind of exciting. Oh, not in that way.. oh you know what I mean. And I never would have pegged you for a pile of nasty panties girl. Perhaps you have been subconsciously hoarding them for just this use.

[alex]

Damn that was funny. I too have grey scary skanky panties that really should never see the light of day. Not only are they my time of the month panties but my dogs love to chew on them...ewwwww....so there are holes all over the damn things.

Are you going to test everday or are you quite disciplined?

[mm]

I'm not kidding... I was JUST about to purge my underwear drawer of all of my hideous granny panties. But after reading this post, I'm thinking that it may make sense to spare them for my next IVF cycle. My husband will be so thrilled.

[Kristin]

Suppositories are the worst...but glad you've figured out a way to minimize the mess! Good luck dear.

[Jill]

Oh my gosh, I spent months of my life doing the progesterone suppository thing, and I HATED it. I perpetually wore pantiliners during my luteal phase. I complained to my RE about the messy ickiness, and he finally prescribed Prometrium instead, which is a pill form of progesterone that is used in the same manner as a suppository, except that it is not messy because there's no waxy, melty substance. I liked it much better and couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't prescribed it for me in the first place.

[patricia]

If the Oompa Loompas come and roll you away, let's hope your belly is seriously round. Hugely, protrudingly, round and hard. And kicking.

Good luck.

[Cat]

Thanks for the road slick heads up as the vagina-bullets are on deck next.

Good luck to you.

[OvaGirl]

Just catching up mare, sorry to read about your embryos but sounds like the other two are making their presence felt. Best of luck, you really are on your way. Can't wait to join the race properly on Aug 30th. Looking forward to seeing the pics of Bonfire of The Skanky Undies - just don't toast any marshmallows over it.