Bluebeard's castle

OK, so I confess. I did it. I tested.

I hear the wise and valued words of those of you who say, "No! NO! Whatever you do, for the sake of your sanity and the love of floor cake, refrain from the peestick!" But I have to be honest with you here, I was getting more than a little frayed around the edges with the waiting, and the serene bubble of "not knowing" just wasn't doing it for me. At all. I am not, ah, good at waiting, really. So even with the spectre of Bluebeard's castle hanging over me, I tested.

I did promise myself I wouldn't read anything into the result one or another, it still being a bit early and all.

As another grasping at the straw of justification for testing- I know I explained that the clinic doesn't offer a beta- instead, I am to bring a pee bottle with sample in on Saturday morning. But did I mention they apparently tell you the result right there and then? Within about four minutes? Yeah. I don't know about you, but I would rather have some distance between me and potentially bad news- so that when the blow falls, I am sitting somewhere safe and private, preferably with a large bottle of stiff liquor by my side. Can you imagine the horror of waiting with absolutely no idea of the outcome, only to have Nurse Fraulein stomp out and deliver the crushing blow, blinking her cold reptilian lids? Ah, no. Thanks but no. I suppose I could always hand over the pee bottle, run away and phone them later from higher ground!

Oh, and did I mention the other potential nightmare looming on the horizon? Well, some months ago, E. got it into his head that it would be fun to have a sort of party thing with a group of friends. Drinks here first and then tickets for a late night show. We did this last summer, and admittedly, a very good and drunken time was had by all. I did gently point out to E. that the timing of this event may prove problematic. But with a wave of the wrist and a stirring proclamation that Life Must Go On!, the tickets were booked and complicated, uncancellable arrangements were made. FOR SATURDAY. It's ironic, really- I could count the number of times on one hand that we actually ever get around to seeing friends and making plans in any given summer. What were the chances it would be on the Formal Pee Bottle of Doom Day? OK, arguably there are worse things than hosting a party on the day that you have had your heart gouged out with a blunt instrument, but mmm. The timing could have been, shall we say, a bit better.

What's that you say? It might not turn out badly? Well, yes. Maybe. But the test this morning was negative. No sign of a second line whatsoever, except with the Goggles of the Deluded. I swear I held that fucking thing up to the strongest light in the house for about half an hour afterwards. Wait! Was that the ghost of a line? Or just the glare off the control line? Maybe if I tilt it that way. I see it! Or, ah, not. Actually, not.

I know, I know, I know, I know. I promised not to read anything into it, and I'm not. It could still be OK, right? Right. Right. Lalalalala, just whistle a happy tune.

Comments

[Betsy]

Sure you can read something into it....the hcg from the trigger shot it gone. But, at 8dp3dt, that's ALL you should read into it.

I am not a tester. I do test the day of the beta because I would rather cry in my own bathroom, rather than when Nurse Ratchet calles with the results. (And, yes, I do cry with either result. What can I say? I am a cryer.)

Good luck with whatever fate you decide for the rest of your pee sticks. Fingers crossed for you!

[Cathy]

Ah, Mare, I completely understand the need to test, especially with all the variables you mentioned! Eight days is early, who knows how sensitive your tests are, and who was it who recently found out her HPTs were faulty? Few outside the blog world understand the infinite suspense and drama of HPTs. My fingers are still crossed for you. Take good care!

[Mellie]

May the one line on today's hpt just make the two lines on Saturday's seem all the brighter. Still holding out hope for you, and a ladder to get off the roof of the castle.

[liz]

I've still got all available appendages crossed for you and will not let out the breath I'm holding until you give the all-clear.

[Jill]

Ah, yes, compulsive early peesticking, I know it well. Best wishes that the negative peestick was a just a too-early false negative and that Saturday will be Formal Pee Bottle of Joy Day.

[Suz]

Way too early, sweetie. Way, way too early. This only makes it marginally easier to take but it's true. Too early.

[Emily]

Thinking of you sweetie.

[mm]

I don't know how you can stand to associate with that hpt fellow. I mean-- he's hot, he's cold. One day he's negative, the next day he's super positive. There's just no telling what you're going to get with him. Hoping that he's in a much better mood the next time you meet. Good luck!!

[Dead Bug]

Ay, caramba. That's some suck-ass timing.

Wishing today's too-early test was positive, but I'm sending you all the luck I can muster for a second line on that very next one. (You're not seriously waiting till SATURDAY, are you?)

--Bugs

[T]

So a test tomorrow then Marquess de Sade? Wishing and hoping,

T

[Julie]

DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! Ok, tomorrow.

[Heather]

Way, way, way too early but disappointing nonetheless. I'll be thinking of you and checking back in for frequent updates. There will be frequent updates, right?

[Lindy]

Aw geeze, Mare. So sorry for the negative result. Stupid, stupid pee stick. I'm with you on not feeling the love of the serene bubble of unknowingness. And what's the deal with the clinic anyway that they don't trust you to read your own pee stick. I'll be checking in frequently for further pee stick news.

[Tertia]

Fark. A pos pee stickk would have been nice. But it is too early.

Still. Fark.

[Em]

The lure of the peestick is too much. The unknowingness is the worst. Forewarned is forearmed as they say!

[Pamplemousse]

Mare, I hope you are hanging in there OK.

[zhl]

Good luck with the wait, Mare. I am hoping that it was just way too early.

[Manuela]

We (speaking as the collective infertile we) have all been there...

Just sitting here nodding my head as I watch someone else jump through all the hoops of twisted logic and justification... yep... been there...

Crossing my thumbs for you.