So, how was your day?

9dp3dt

6.02 am. Wake up from lovely sleep, feeling calm and peaceful. Debate with self whether to test again.

6.03. Decide "oh what the hell, why not" and proceed to the bathroom. Do test.

6.05. Stand with peestick at window, watching the beautiful sunrise. What is that saying again? Oh yes, red sky in the morning, shepherds take warning. Find self repeating this in a kind of glazed trance.

6.07. Negative. Don't even bother with the squinting and tilting. It's negative. Take deep breath. Remind self we promised not to read anything into these early tests. Suddenly feel like it might be quite hard to keep that promise.

6.08. Insert progesterone suppository.

6.09 Go back to bed, reset alarm. Cry for a little while. Feel a migraine headache coming on.

6.10. Try to sleep for a bit, feel headache getting worse. And worse. And worse.

6.46. Throw up. Cry some more.

7.30. Lie in bed, wondering what is the point of getting up.

7.45. Get up anyway.

7.50. Lie back down again. Think how nice it would be to lie there all day, staring at the ceiling.

7.55. Realise I might as well get paid for sitting at my desk, staring out the window.

8.45. Arrive at work to begin sitting and staring out window. Find work actually quite helpful in taking mind off "things". Intersperse that with sitting and staring out window.

11.45. Visit favourite bathroom cubicle. Notice very slight brownish spotting.

11.46. Take deep breath and go back to sitting and staring out window.

12.45 pm. Rush home to let in the guy to see about the leaking roof.

12.47. Guy confirms roof is indeed leaking. Will send someone tomorrow.

12.48. Guy leaves.

12.56. Eat some salad. Check emails. Feel warm glow at lovely, supportive Internet. Thank you, Internet.

1.08 Rush back to work. Important sitting and staring out window to be getting on with. Do more soothing work, then sit and stare. Do that for the rest of afternoon.

5.16. Visit favourite bathroom cubicle. Cramping. Discover some dark red bleeding. Start to hyperventilate. Rush back to desk, grab bag, rush home. Start crying uncontrollably while putting key in door.

5.28. Crying, sit Googling "9dp3dt, bleeding". Feel like a fuckwit.

5.57. Notice bleeding has stopped completely.

6.00 pm. Insert progesterone suppository. Contemplate calling clinic. Decide there is no point. Quell immediate desire for a very stiff drink. Work on breathing in and out.

So, how was your day?

Comments

[Betsy]

UGH!! What a crappy day! Extremely impressed that you got yourself to work after throwing up.

Won't give you any assvice today. I know you know it all. Just thinking of you with everything crossed.

[Jill]

Sorry about your crap day, Mare! A migraine and throwing up and bleeding--ugh. Hope you feel better soon.
It's still too early to trust the negative peestick, so I am hoping that the bleeding was implantation bleeding and therefore is a promising sign.

[Jen]

Oh, sweetie, that is just too much for one person in one day. Sending much love to you, and hopes that tomorrow brings better things.

[B]

Oh Mare, I'm so sorry.

[LEB]

Oh what a horrible day. Still hoping it will be okay.

[alex]

Oh Mare...This sucks. I wish you knew for sure. I will be thinking of you.

[Anna H.]

Argh, Mare.

Am here with you.

xxoo

[Kristin]

{{{Hugs}}} and prayers. I so hope it all turns out well!

[Molly]

AAUUGHH!! Just reading this made me want to beat my head against the wall. You poor woman. I'm thinking of you.

[Sol]

I hope that you are feeling somewhat better this evening. Spotting and cramping is nerve-wracking, I know. I just hope is the good old implantation bleeding working its magic for you. Crossing fingers and everything else.

[Julie]

Oh Mare, I'm with Sol, I hope this is just some implantation bleeding and you'll be laughing at yourself in a few days when you get your positive. I'm praying for you my friend.

[Suz]

Spotting and cramping is terrifying. I'm so sorry that you've had such a terrible day and am hoping for you that it gets better very, very soon.

[Erin]

Well, a lot more exciting now that I know about your day.

About the throwing up -- is that normal? I'm totally impressed you went to work after barfing, 'cause I would use it as an excuse to be absent for at least two days, three for good measure.

Mustn't get anyone else sick, you know.

[Emily]

Thinking of you sweets. I'm hoping for implantatin bleeding too. I'm sorry for your crappy day.

[Manuela]

What a crap day... no advice to offer... I'm just continuing to wish you every ounce of luck and determination in getting through these tough days...

[T]

Well first I, oh right, rhetoric - sorry for the crap day. Bonnie Sunshine here to say it could be anything - unfortunately, you're going to have to wait until the nice lady has finished her song.

[reprogirl]

SHIT, I know what this feels like. I'm sorry you have to go through this. It is almost more torturous to be told things that give you hope when you're trying to manage expectations and keep on an even keel. (Personally, I almost spontaneously combust every time I hear the phrase "implantation bleeding"). But I will say this. Based on my very statistically significant sample of twice, every time I've used progesterone suppositories I've had spotting. One of those times I was pregnant (although, full disclosure, it didn't last). I think they can cause spotting. AND: you threw up. Dude, couldn't that mean something?

[Amanda]

Oh, Mare. Shit. I'm so very sorry. Thinking of you.

[Lala]

not-willing-to-think-negative-just-yet
nwttnjy

[mm]

And the award for the most hideous day from Hell goes too... Mare!!! I'm so hoping that tomorrow is brighter in every sense of the word. My fingers are still crossed.

[Dead Bug]

I'm so sorry, Mare. You must be under an enormous amount of stress--hurling and migraine and bleeding sounds like a recipe for hell.

Thinking of you and hoping tomorrow's pee stick is more cooperative.

--Bugs

[Andrea]

I know it probably won't help, but with both of my successful PG's, I had some serious bleeding about 12-14 dpo-- enough that I was sure my period was starting, not just spotting. But it stopped within a day or so. I am hoping, hoping, hoping the same thing is happening for you.

[Kate]

Well damn. I am so sorry that today sucked a big one.

Sending a huge hug and a big ol' slice of the pie I made tonight...

Kate

[Heather]

Oh, hell. I guess it's too early to know what this all means yet, but I can't even imagine the stress it must be causing you. I'm thinking of you.

[cass]

No words of wisdom. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.