Foot soldier

When the accident first happened, and they found out my dad needed surgery, my parents told me not to come over. "No, no, no," they said. "There is nothing you can do, and in fact, it would be better for us not to have you visiting just now." Hence the notion that I would simply delay the trip.

Then yesterday, when I spoke to my mother, she practically flung herself at my virtual feet, begging me to come whenever I could. For as long as I could! In fact, come more than once over the next six months, if I can possibly swing it! Moving back to America would be good, too!

I guess running up and down the stairs with treats, reading material and a big stick to whack my father about the head whenever he misbehaves (by doing things like taking off the dressing on his foot) has quickly become tiresome. I, however, excel at stair running and other minion chores; I am more than happy to volunteer for general lackey duty. So it looks like I will be going after all, sooner rather than later. Huzzah.

I wouldn't go so far as to say this change of change of plan has lifted me from the general cesspool of depression in which I currently wallow. But it is pleasant to know I can have some sunshine to look forward to, as opposed to the ongoing gloom of a Scottish winter. I don't think we have seen the sun for days; it's like living in Tupperware.

Also, it's nice to be able to feature as the cavalry for once, rather than the fallen infantry, awaiting the medivac on the emotional battlefields. Even though I think what is really required in this situation is a foot soldier . Oh, ha ha ha ha, foot soldier, my mirth knows no bounds.

I have to confess that this whole latest mini-parental crisis ostensibly throws another major spanner into any further treatment plan. I know I've never gone into the detail of what I had been hoping to do, but in a nutshell, it involved going to the States. Because there is no real option for me to have any local monitoring, I would have had to stay the whole treatment cycle... wherever. The idea was that my mother would come to stay with me "wherever", keep me company and help out with the, uh, whatever. A little mother-daughter IVF bonding, how jolly.

Instead, my mother will now have her hands full with ferrying my dad to his doctors appointments and physiotherapy, as he is not expected to make a complete recovery for at least six months. I don't mean to sound selfish and self-absorbed- of course, this immediate crisis en famille must take priority. But, you know... fuckity fuckity fuck. Still, I suppose given the current frosty climate between me and E., worrying about further treatment should not be so high up on my list of concerns.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my bayonet needs sharpening.

Comments

[Pamplemousse]

I am right with you on the effing weather, Mare. Is it ever going to stop raining?? People think this country is green because of all the fields. Nope, it is green mould fom the damp.

I am sure that your mum really needs your help and that is such a powerful thing to a child, whatever your age. I hope that you can work it all out to everyone's satisfaction, including E. Take care, sweetie.

[thalia]

I thought as much. I imagine that your parents will be delighted to have you home, and it sounds as if it will be good for you to do that for a bit, you've been craving that home feeling.

Sorry it throws such a spanner in the works on treatment and in your discussions with E. Is he up to visiting you while you're there? Might it help to alleviate frostiness to discuss things in a 'neutral' environment?

[Emily]

I'm thinking of you Mare.

xo,

[fisher queen]

Oh it's good to feel worthwhile and needed. Good for the self esteem. A change of pace will be helpful too. Here's to some sun!

[Toni]

I kind of had a feeling that things would change...and glad that they are. Sun makes things better - no sun does not. Go get some sun!!

[Lala]

What about finding a cute pool boy to tide you over?

[pixi]

Your frustration is understandable. *Of course* you'll do anything for your family, and *of course* you'll be happy to help. But your need to start your own family is very powerful, and it's a big sacrifice to delay the next steps. Still, I hope this home visit does some good for your soul.

[ovagirl]

I'm sorry Mare, this is awful for you and your poor parents too. I agree the home visit sounds good for the soul and your parents will be delighted (and relieved ) to have you close. But I'm sorry it throws your own plans up in the air like that.

[Jen]

Just whatever you do, don't give your dad a bell to ring when he needs things--an immobile man with a bell is a terrible new brand of tyrant, indeed.

I'm sorry this messes with the treatment plans, and throws a wrench into all sorts of other things, but I know your parents will love having you help, and maybe the trip itself will be helpful.

Love and safe travel to you.

[labia lady]

Sorry to hear about your father.
I'm sure we would all put off treatment at the drop of a hat if our loved ones were
You are not being selfish... at all.. this fucking baby making business just takes too much fucking time, and the longer you wait does not make it better/easier. We just don't have unlimited time....

[Tonya]

Sorry this news throws a monkey wrench into your conception plans... that always sucks. At least you will get to go visit your family after all. If you'll be any where near me (west coast), ping me as I'd love to meet in person if you're interested.

[Molly]

Sorry, I'm still giggling over "living in Tupperware."

Thinking of you.

[Alexa]

Thinking of you, as usual. Glad the thought of visiting your family has cheered you a bit, sorry it messes with your treatment timelines. I really hope things get less frosty between you and E., and that you are able to work out some sort of new plan--I know how frustrating it can be not to have one.

[Manuela]

Thinking of you...

And... um... if you are in need of a diversion from your role as infantry 'round about December 28th... I um.... happen to know of a gathering of certain uber-cool infertiles who are having a get together... there HAD been previous rumours that you MIGHT be in attendance... something to keep in mind!

[T]

Ah, I'm glad you'll be able to go home - even as a foot soldier.

[wessel]

Can you do IVF at a clinic near your parents? Occasionally, glitches contain hidden blessings, and I'm hoping that you find some!

[mm]

Ugh. So sorry for you, your father, and your mother, but hoping that tons of good will come out of this not so fun situation. If nothing else, here comes the sun!

[April]

"Living in tupperware" ahh yes. It was like that there, on so many levels (at least - I think I remember where your folks live).

But yes, fuckety fucking fuck. Sorry you're all having to deal with so many ailments right now.

[zhl]

Remember to take care of yourself while you are there, Mare. Taking care of a sick parent and the "healthy" parent can drive you nuts. Take my word for it. Sorry this puts a crimp in your plans. (I had to go back and scour your archives to find out that you're actually an ex-pat. Had no idea.)

[Mellie]

Mare,
I know I've been hiding, but wanted to drop by to say sorry about your dad and your secret. I hope you go from surviving to thriving soon. And I know this is kind of crazy - but if you want to come to NYC for some IVF treatment, you could use our spare room to crash in (I know that's crazy, but damn if I don't honestly feel like offering it to you even though we've never met).

[swisschard]

I feel awfully nosey and more than a bit of a would-be assvisor to ask the following: once you have done your tour of duty in the U.S., is there any chance that a compromise plan might invove a "wherever" cycle elsewhere in Europe? I think you are right to want to try elsewhere; it sounded like the local plan was shakey from the get-go for a number of reasons. But might E find, say, Belgium less of a hassle? It has a familiarly moldy atmosphere, is less expensive than the U.S. , and medically mighty good.
Please overlook the barging-in-ness of this comment. You have your own plans and know what would be right, But if you have any interest in European elsewheres, you could write me....