Against the Ropes

When something bad happens to one of my favourite bloggers, I read in horror from the sidelines. It's a bit like watching a boxing match, where an unwilling combatant endures pummel after pummel. When they finally go down, I sit there biting my fist, wondering how long they will lie there motionless. Whispering under my breath, "Get up. You have to get up. Oh, please, can you get up?"

I know some of you are very worried about me, for which again, *mwah* with the kisses on your smooshy cheeks. If I am being quite honest, I am also worried about me, which in the circumstances is rather understandable. So this is just to let you know that I am not down for the count, but rather, reeling against the ropes.

Honestly, this could not suck more. And it has all come at possibly the worst time in what has to be the shittest year of my life. Everyone else is scurrying around buying presents, arranging time with friends and family, decking the halls; meanwhile I am wondering whether to stick that bough of holly in my eye now or later.

I feel like the big black cloud in everyone else's winter wonderland. It's so unseasonally glum that people are eyeing me with the wariness usually reserved for rabid dogs and the criminally insane. I went to my office Christmas lunch yesterday and it was like a vortex of doom whereever I sat, until folks eventually gave me a halfhearted pat on the shoulder and sidled away. Only my boss was oblivious, but that meant he rabbited on for half an hour about the monumental crisis of Biblical proportions in his house; namely, that the wallpapering might not be done in time for the houseguest's arrival. Fuck me, the wallpapering. Yes, that puts it all in perspective!

Finally, I was forced to throttle him with the paper hat from my Christmas cracker and stash his body under the table. Such hijinks go on at these events, so nobody really noticed. He may even still be there, for all I know.

Comments

[Laura]

May I send a big *mwah* right back at you?Hang in there.

[Emily]

Oh Sweetie, *sigh*.

I'm thinking of you.

xo,

[Menita]

You clearly did not understand the seriousness of the wallpaper situation. Now I want you to take a few minutes and think about that.

And while you're at it, I am thinking your first paragraph right back at you - you expressed it so perfectly. Horror, and urgent encouraging whispering. Yes.

[Suz]

Hang in there. My thoughts are with you and I'd give you a drink of water and a towel if I could.

[Nina]

Thinking of you and wishing you peace and strength.

[Kathy Napolitano]

HUGS, just hugs.

[Nico]

Glad you're not down for the count. I am so sorry that this year has been so incredibly rotten. Definitely pulling for you from the sidelines.

[Lut C.]

What is this 'Christmas' you speak of? And why is it blaring horrible music in my ear?

On IF island there is no such thing as 'unseasonal glumness'. The island charter clearly states 'There shall be no restrictions at any time on the range of emotions allowed'.

So you go black cloud right ahead, as long as it takes.

[wessel]

I'm cheering you on, ringside! I think you'll like typepad. It has some glitches too, but overall much better than blogger.

I highlighted all my comments per entry, copied, and then moved over to the corresponding entry in typepad and pasted it as a new comment. It shows up as "one comment" in typepad, but it contains all the comments for that entry. Then I did that for all of my posts. It was tedious and boring, but I didn't want to lose my comments since people often wrote such great things.

Hang in there, champ.

[Pamplemousse]

Waving from my black cloud over here. Hang in there, sweetheart.

[April]

Thinking of you.

[Kath]

Another wave of support from another coprocumulus formation over here. I'm thinking about you and wishing you well, my dear.

[fisher queen]

People don't know what to do with the depressed. Which of course makes us feel all the more lonely, and, depressed. Thank goodness for bloglandia. I'll kick your boss if he's still under there if you'd like.

[Mary Scarlet]

Anyone anti-holiday-cheer gets an A+ in my book, and you especially. Am thinking of you often, with affection.

[thalia]

I've just bailed on both my work christmas parties. Just not in the mood. Good for you for actually braving yours.

[Amanda]

Thinking of you so much, Mare.

[DD]

I wanted to email you after your last post, but I just didn't know what to say. I still don't. But I thought of this analogy earlier that I think applies to you:

Have you ever seen the start of stained-glass window? It's a mass of seemingly haphazard pieces of glass. It looks as if there was a whole sheet that someone just through a rock at. Shattered. But somehow all those pieces get arranged to form some of the most beautiful works of art existing; aglow in the light.

You may feel shattered right now, but I know that the pieces will come back together and you will be more beautiful then ever before.

Up against the ropes? Hell, most of us would be back in the locker room by now receiving our last rights. You have a heart and soul of incredible strength.

[Ami]

I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, and I'm praying for a very happy 2006 for you and E.

[stephanie]

*hugs* Mind if I share that balck cloud with you awhile?

[millie]

Thinking of you and wishing you a very happy new year.

[Leggy]

I'm sorry you are going through such a crappy time. And it does suck to have it be in the middle of the holidays. My circumstances in life have been different, but I can so sympathize with the being the depressed wallflower sitting in the corner that no one knows whether to ignore or kick out of the party. I think I felt that most acutely when my brother died when I was 22. Everyone else around me wanted to have their carefree 20's and not be concerned with school, careers, etc, and I (who was definitely not carefree) was pretty much a downer whereever I went.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

[mm]

Not fucking fair. Let's get this shit year overwith, shall we?

[JennaM]

Mare, I just want you to know that I am sincerely available and enthusiastic for any and all travel at a moment's notice. I have a valid passport, many hardly worn swimsuits, and I can either hike, lounge, or plot museum itineraries for days on end with no prodding at all. Also, I have a reasonably cozy guestroom with television and wireless.

xoxoxo
Jenna

[Carla Hinkle]

Please take care of yourself as best you can. We are all thinking about you and rooting for you ... CH

[Amyesq]

Yes, we really do need to get this year over with as soon as possible. It has hung around WAY too long. Hoping that we will be ripe for some new beginnings soon.

Much, much love.