The flat selling saga finally resolved today after a series of twists too bizarre to go into. We ended up having to compromise on the price, but it's worth it, I think, to get it sold. Now I can move on and think about nesting in the new place.
I think I should probably clarify something I wrote in my last post, since the use of the word "casually" seems to have confused things somewhat. I was not for one minute intending to suggest anyone approaches a decision to terminate a pregnancy that way. Rather, I was responding to something which I picked up from an earlier comment. Initially, I decided I wasn't going to get into this, but I think it did get under my skin a little bit, and it later crept out.
The commenter expressed a view that he or she hoped I was doing the nuchal "just so I could be prepared to do the best for the baby from the very start, no matter what". And then followed that with a link to a newspaper article, the gist of which is how, due to prevailing attitudes nowadays, prenatal testing seems to ends up making your right to abort your disabled child more about a duty to abort, and why is it that society thinks that way.
Without going into that particular debate, I have to say the views expressed bothered me on a number of levels. Firstly, there is the use of the word "just", the very sound of it which makes my hackles rise. I think anyone who has tangled with infertility comes away with a pathological loathing of that word, and the way it tends to be thrown around with such maddeningly casual frequency. As in, just relax. Just do IVF. Just adopt. Just accept and be grateful for what you already have. Just so you can be prepared to do your best for the baby no matter what.
The thing that I so particularly hate about the word "just" is that in that sort of context, the speaker is- consciously or not- trying to reduce something- an experience, a conflict, a crisis- into a simplistic equation. To distill it down, to package it up into a neat box, to sweep it away. Problem eliminated, just like that, ta-da! Complication banished, why go on about it?
And for the person on the receiving end, who is invariably dealing with something confusing or painful or distressing or difficult; well, it's the verbal equivalent of a slap in the face. So for someone to suggest to me that I should be doing prenatal testing "just" for one reason and one reason alone was one more incident in the long "just" parade.
Secondly, while I think it inappropriate to pass judgment on anyone's decision to test or not to test, I find it even more outrageous to infer that testing is to identify the presence of Down's syndrome with the underlying aim of seeking a termination in those cases. Now, maybe statistically, in the majority of cases, that is in fact what happens. I don't know- I have no information about that. But in any event, I've never believed in signing up for the status quo. A statistic doesn't apply until you've actually gone through that situation. For the record, I had given it a lot of thought, and I had grave doubts as to whether I would even go for an amnio in the event of a bad result- because in my heart I did feel that while I was prepared to accept things (no matter what), I was not prepared to take any risk, however small, of losing this baby.
As it happens, I've luckily been spared some of that angst, since I got the call today. The blood work results having come in, the outcome is that we are low risk- so much so that I feel very comfortable about not doing any further invasive testing.
Now, I'm extremely grateful for that relative peace of mind. But I'm also sort of glad that the whole experience did make me question certain things and did cause me to ponder the possibility of difficult choices, some of which still may lie ahead. Because sometimes dicing with the scary painful stuff, even in your own mind and heart, does leave you better prepared for what lies ahead- far more so than "just" could ever imagine.