Halfway and a bit

Things are ticking along here- I'm nearly 21 weeks, which of course for those of you following along at home means halfway and a bit. I suppose you could say my mental state about the pregnancy equals my physical state- I'm sort of halfway to believing that this might actually work out, might actually be OK- but still slightly too freaked out by the idea that there is going to be a real, live baby at the end of it to really buy anything. I have not yet purchased even one tiny onesie or fleecy blanket or darling baby bauble.

I am however, doing lots and lots of knitting. Because somehow knitting seems safe. On the scale of jinxies, the knitting of tiny hats and booties doesn't seem to count. Doesn't seem to cause concern that I will somehow by my actions call down the wrath of the vengeful gods.  But that's probably because as a relative beginner, I still pretty much suck at knitting, and said gods are too busy laughing themselves stupid over my latest yarn related fandango.

Like yesterday. I spent almost the entire day knitting up the second of a pair of baby booties.  And then as I was heading for the homestretch (and the toe decreases), I got distracted by something interesting on television, and promptly skipped over to the other side of the pattern page, thus decreasing way too soon.  Leaving the bootie looking rather, um, pointy at the end.  It would be fine if I was giving birth to a Keebler elf, but not so much for a human baby. I fiddled with it for a bit, but it could not be saved. I was actually too tired at that point to care that I had to rip out the whole damn thing. Which I did, then threw it the jumbled up ball of yarn in the knitting bag before stumbling off to bed.

Then I woke up in the middle of the night.  This is a very common occurence at the moment- my lower back begins to aches quite a bit, even with vast bolsters of pillows around me, and I can't get back to sleep until I have a little walk, stretch, some warm milk and a snack of fruit. (Or a cookie or two, who am I kidding?) But last night, even after all that, I could not settle. My mind kept straying back to the lost bootie. It was, I eventually decided, really bugging the crap out of me that I was going to have to come home from work the next day without some knitting ready to take up; that in fact, I was going to have to start the whole blasted thing over again. So I actually ended up getting out of bed, digging out the double pointed needles and casting on. It was only after re-establishing a couple of rows that I could lay my weary head back down. 

So, yes, perhaps knitting is psychologically safe in some ways, but is obviously driving me nuts in others. You can't win.

Anyway, apart from the odd night achy, I feel great, and I am hoping I will feel more reassured still after our next scan- we're doing the 20 week ultrasound at 22 weeks, since E. is away on business just now and the clinic said that was a better time anyway. I am very much looking forward to it- it feels like quite a long time since we had a little peep into the secret life of the Apocryphetus. And let's hope s/he doesn't have his/her legs crossed, because as one who could never wait to open her Christmas presents, I would really like to know if I should be investing in some blue or pink yarn.*

[*Editor's note: Now, Soper, do not get too excited. I am speaking metaphorically. Even if it is a girl, you know how I feel about pink.] 

Comments

[Suz]

What is it about knitting? I, too, am a so-so knitter, but I couldn't stop knitting these oddly shaped sweaters for the boys. Even when I couldn't bring myself to buy anything for them.

[dish]

Been following along regularly, commenting, well, next to never. I'm terrible about that. Anyway, just chiming in to give a hearty "woo-hoo" on reaching and passing the halfway mark. I'm also having a "surprise, you're pregnant" baby this summer...actually very late summer. You're about 5-weeks ahead of me, but I already know that I'll be around two-weeks early, so we're in the same general ballpark...

I, too, cringe at pink...and we found out it's a girl. Can we say lavendar? Yellow? Green? Yes- just not pink.

[Soper]

I'm already putting together an entire collection of baby goodies in pepto pink for you.

It's totally a boy, anyway, so the issue is moot.

[Amyesq]

Wow, I can't believe you are already 21 weeks! (Says she who didn't have to brave the ferry to France with wretched morning sickness). Scarily, I think we will both become mothers within about a week or two of one another. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!

Can't wait to hear what the color of the year is! I am thinking pink. Well, perhaps a classy stripe, rather than blue. But if it is blue, then maybe we can betroth our kids and we'll have all the more reason to visit one another.

[julie B]

When you finally start to believe that the pregnancy may stick around, I find that you more than make up for the first 30 weeks lack of shopping, with a positive orgy of spending. Suddenly lunch breaks take on a whole new perspective, figuring how far you can heave your increasing bulk, in search of that perfect baby item.

[laughing mommy]

Can't wait to hear if the baby is a boy or a girl.

WAIT!

Are you telling or keeping it a secret?

Oh, and I have two girls... there is no escape from the pink. Even if you don't like it, your girl might. And when they get to the age of about 4 they like to pick their OWN CLOTHES!

[Tonya]

Huzzah! Catching up after a long time away (just read August to present) and I am so excited for you! Really amazing, wonderful news.

I was utterly against pink until my daughter was born and just looked amazing in it (Grandmas who insisted on "just trying it," of course). But when my girl dresses herself, her favorite colors are brown and purple. So, all is not lost. ;-)

[Ruth]

Baby knitting is my favorite ... relatively quick and very rewarding, because even if you inadvertently make something that looks like clown barf, the baby in question will wear it with complete panache. (Yes, I speak from sad experience. I will just say that some solid buttons can tame even the wildest of color schemes.)

[beth]

*lol*

I HATED pink. Anything I got was so NOT PINK for Riley. I was certain she was even a boy!

Then we found out she was a girl and slowly pink has grown on me.

I *choke* am now experiencing pink growing on me! I still refuse to paint her room pink until she's old enough to paint it herself or gets her dad to do it for her.

[Lut C.]

Knitting! I think I'll leave that to the professionals, I mean my mom and grandma. :-)

I'm glad to hear you're doing well.

[spartic]

Don't totally give up on pink. I saw a baby room in the Pottery Barn catalog that was done up in pink and chocolate brown that was so great I wanted it to be my bedroom! It is only when it is pink and white and yellow that it gets too Barbie.

[H]

So, I've been reading the archives. And now I am excited, because there is a baby in the offing. A baby who will, it seems, not be wearing pink. Which is okay, because there are lots of other colours, like...lilac :p. I really enjoy reading your journal. Good luck with the ultrasound! :)