Lament of the firewalker

The slow process of decanting ourselves to the rental flat is becoming smoother now.  We've sort of gotten into a rhythm- come home from work, pack a few boxes, chuck everything into the back of our tiny car, grab the puppy, move boxes to flat, walk the puppy in nearby park, come home, collapse.  I'm feeling more relaxed now that we have, for example, a bed, a couple of chairs and a working TV. So thank you for bearing with me during all the stress! weeping! gnashing of teeth!

Before I get on to the next topic (a pregnancy-related ailment which is causing me a considerable amount of discomfort and sleepless nights), I feel I must preface it by a wee tangent on one of the thorniest of issues: that being, "Infertiles Fortunate Enough to Get Pregnant but Who Now Seem to Be Complaining about Pregnancy".  It does seem such a potential minefield- and I for one never predicted that I'd be in a position of tapdancing around certain subjects. But here we are.

You see, the thing is, when you are in the throes of infertility, there is a whole lot of plea-bargaining with the universe that goes on. In many respects, it very much resembles the classic Kubler-Ross stages of grief.  Whomever you choose to cry out to in your hour of need may of course depend on your personal religious/spirtual inclinations; in my case, it was usually a desperate call to some amorphous, unnamed higher power that might be able to help. 

As in, "please [insert deity of choice here], please, I'll do anything.  Anything, anything to have a child. Please let this be the month. Please let the IVF work. I'll be good as gold if I get pregnant, I will walk with a skip in my step, I will stop making snide remarks about the size of my sister-in-law's ass, I will be nicer to my colleagues, I will give more money to charity, I will do more recycling and help save the planet. I will get down on my knees every day in eternal gratitude, PLEASE.  I WILL DO ANYTHING. I WILL WALK OVER HOT COALS, IF YOU ASK ME TO."

Those hot coals, though?  Hot. Really damn burny hot, as it happens.  Aiiieeee!  Scorchio. Foot flambe.

So, you find yourself pregnant, but with badly scalded soles. What then?  You're no less grateful, and you wouldn't take back your firewalk, so happy are you to be on the other side; however, your fried tootsies are now in undeniable agony. And last you checked, you're still only mortal. Pain still hurts, notwithstanding that ultimately it takes you where you want to be.   

Anyway. Enter the complaining; or at least what could easily be perceived to be complaining.  It's not, I hope you understand, whining in the traditional sense, but more the fact that despite the gratefulness of having achieved mission impossible, I still can't help but let out a little yip of discomfort now and then. 

In my case, the problem is not in my feet, but in my left hand and wrist. At first I thought the pain was the result of sleeping on it "funny", since I've been trying to adjust to reclining on my left side at night, and my arms often seemed to end up under me. In the daytime, it seemed to improve. But then it went on, night after night, becoming worse and worse. To the point where I now wake up in agony every single night about 1am and cannot get back to sleep. I toss and turn and grizzle for hours, until falling into an exhausted stupour about four, only to be awoken all too soon by the blaring of the dreaded alarm clock.  Frankly, it sucks.

Finally, after consulting Dr. Google, I realised I am experiencing carpal tunnel syndrome.  No idea why it's only in the left hand, but that in itself is enough. Apparently it's meant to go away or improve after pregnancy; however, the prospect of another 16 weeks of this much discomfort is not exactly encouraging.   Plus, it's interfering with my knitting, damnit!

A remedy, I discovered last night during one of my wee hours surfing sessions on the internet, is to take vitamin B6 supplements. I trotted myself over to the chemist today to stock up, and am hoping it works. If not, I guess I'll have to look into a wrist brace or somesuch. Or does anyone else have any suggestions?  The pain is one thing, but the sleep deprivation is... well... let's just say that like many people, I really don't function at my best when I don't get enough zzzzs.  I mean, I know there are plenty of sleepless nights ahead, but I was kind of hoping that the reason for keeping me up at night would be a lot cuter and cuddlier.   

Comments

[another karen]

Hi Mare -

As a fellow infertile with a "how the heck did THAT happen" pregnancy, I understand (what I describe as) the "guilt feelings" that come along with any kind of complaint or statement of discontent I make about this (much, much, MUCH, MUCH wanted and absolutely AMAZING) pregnancy. But, hey, at least for myself, I only recall "promising" that I'd be willing to endure ANYTHING for a healthy child (and I AM - now more so than ever). I never promised I wouldn't complain about it ;0)

Seriously, though, on the carpal tunnel, I am experiencing it only very mildly - but, like you, only in my left hand and wrist. I'm sure others will have better suggestions/info but, for whatever its worth, a friend of mine struggled with it greatly during her 3rd pregnancy. She started out with the wrist brace/wrap, which apparently helped some, but eventually advanced to an injection directly in the affected wrist. I believe it was cortisone - definitely a steriod of some sort - and, for her at least, it provided tremendous relief.

Hope that helps - and wishing you all the best.

Karen

[Anonymous]

Steroid injections often help alleviate the symptoms.

[Bitter Mama]

Get the wrist brace ASAP. Really. And if that doesn't do it, move on to the cortisone if you need to. I had it pretty bad with my first pregnancy, but it did indeed go away completely within about 3-4 weeks after delivery and I didn't have it at all the second time. Until you can get the brace, what helped me some was being very very careful not to fall asleep in any position but flat on my back with my hands laid flat on a pillow laid over my chest. Think Edward Sissorhands trying to sleep on the waterbed.

[carosgram]

It seems to me that if after wanting to be pregnant and finally having that happen, you should get to experience all aspects of it. Including the right to whine, complain and waddle if you want to. I believe in jumping in 'whole hog'. Now there are lots of good things that happen during pregnancy but also the parts that gives you lots of stories to tell. It is one of the joys to be able to sit with other mothers and share your trials and tribulations with getting pregnant, being pregnant and raising children. Enjoy every minute of it!

[dawn]

a couple of thoughts:

- I wish I had some advice on the carpal tunnel, I do not though.

- I made a deal with the devil (or with God?) during my infertility woes that if I ever got pregnant I would never complain, not once, about any pregnancy-related stuff. And then I had extreme nausea through week 21. And I complained, let me tell you - but I felt guilty about it, too. Finally I said to myself (and to those around me who had heard me make the deal with the devil) that everything about achieving the pregnancy had been abnormal; couldn't I just try to treat the pregnancy as normal, and feel like a "normal" woman for once? Once I accepted that I didn't feel so bad about complaining here and there about the really tough parts of being pregnant.

- I swear, I got more sleep AFTER the baby was born than I did in my last trimester. The side-sleeping, the constant baby-movement, the insane heartburn, it all prevented me from sleeping much at all towards the end. Once my daughter was born, I was still only sleeping in small stretches at a time - but at least I was SLEEPING comfortably.

Hang in there - glad you're getting settled in the apartment.

[Carla Hinkle]

Seriously, I get much more sleep after the baby is born (both times). Those 3rd-trimester discomforts just about killed me.

Carpal tunnel: yup, got it in 2 pregnancies. Like you, and strangely, only in the left hand (and, as they said in The Princess Bride, I am not left handed). Unforutnately, it did not go away upon delivery, as breastfeeding and carrying the baby both seem to aggravate it. Baby #2 is 3 months old and I swear it has gotten worse.

It did eventually go away when I quit breastfeeding baby #1, when she was about 9 months old. Until then, the wrist brace at night was a great help.

Enjoy!

[wavybrains]

If you are a relatively new knitter, and I believe you had said on the blog that you were, it is possible that the knitting is aggravating the pregnancy induced carpal tunnel. I brought on a hideous case of carpal tunnel when I first learned to knit. I was knitting way too tightly! Over time, I re-taught myself how to knit very very loosely, adjusting needle sizes and keeping my hands loose. Before I could do that though, I had to heal my hand. Ice massage, a numbing gel from the chiropractor, and massage and chiropractic treatment helped me tremendously. And complain away! You've earned it.

[juno]

The wrist brace helped the most, but I had to wear it to bed. Acupuncture helped a lot. My docs wouldn't do cortisone on a pregnant person so I can't report on that.

I had CT so badly when I was prenant (also a former infertile) that I slept sitting up in a futon chair for four months. It did go away immediately after birth.

Good luck!

[luolin]

If possible, get a professionally fitted brace . The people I knew in grad school who had carpal tunnel said the brace helped a lot.

[sarah]

Brace= definitely helps enormously.
For immediate warm and snuggly relief when not wearing the brace: fill a long cotton sock with uncooked rice until it resembles a floppy plump snake. Tie end off tightly. When you're in pain, put it in the microwave for 30-45 seconds (or until it's nice and toasty). Wrap around forearm, relax, envision blissful future ahead. (you can keep in the freezer as well, but personally I prefer heat)

[julie B]

I didn't get carpal tunnel until after my daughter was born - and 8 months later I still get twinges. I think complaining's fine in post IVF pregnancies - because if the world were a fair place, then these pregnancies would be 100% trouble free, as a reward for all the grief that went before. As they are inevitably not trouble free, then whinging is perfectly reasonable!

[laughing mommy]

I was infertile for 10+ years. And then I got pregnant (long story) and I've never felt crappier in my life for the ENTIRE 9 MONTHS.

Pregnant women, no matter how they came to be pregnant (easily or with difficulty) should be able to complain about their symptoms while pregnant.

As much complaining as they want! As often as they like!

And they deserve pampering. And special treatment!

Can you tell my pregnancies were difficult? Haha!

So sorry about your pain. Hope you feel better soon. Hang in there.

[4katnap]

What worked for me... Wrist brace at night to keep your hand in a "nutral" position. Ice, ice, and more ice. If you are drinking a cold drink rest your wrist on the side of the cold glass. Can be switched out with heat but always end with ice. The B6 helps with water retention that makes CT worse while PG, but may not make it go away completely.

As for the whining, go for it. WE know you love the baby it's the pain you are whining about.

[Jill]

I think that was a fairly mild whine.

With the carpal tunnel, yes, get a brace asap. Wrapping your wrist in an ace bandage may help until you get one. Also, sometimes cold, sometimes heat helps. And don't be surprised if you experience same pain in your shoulder. That nerve runs up and down, and you may feel it up high.

And can I add, yay! for pregnancy woes.

[cass]

Yes to the brace, and please splurge on a better one - the cheap-o kind from the drugstore sometimes don't fit as well and the mis-positioning can make things worse (speaking from unfortunate experience here).

[H]

I reckon you're as entitled to complain as the next person; being pregnant can be HARD! Re: the carpal tunnel...never having had it I can't really offer much by the way of help. Have you taken any painkillers? I know you can only take paracetamol because you are pregnant, and I suspect that it won't be as effective as ibuprofen, but any painkiller is better than no pain killer.

Get yourself a wrist support; they're relatively cheap (although you can get more expensive ones, which are super good) and if it helps then it's got to be a good thing. Also, I second the heat treatment suggestion.

[Ellen K.]

Pregnancy completely changes your body, and I've worked on enough pregnancy books to know that it's usually often a pleasant 9 months -- dreams aside.

Hope you find a good brace. There are some good carpal tunnel exercises online too.

[Ellen K.]

Sorry, the above was supposed to say "usually NOT often a pleasant 9 months."

[Erin]

Wrist brace, definitely. They're not particularly expensive (in the states, you can buy them in any drugstore for about $20) and they're well worth it. I have carpal tunnel anyway but during pregnancy, it was 10 times worse. It took me about 8 months of being pregnant before I finally decided that I was as eternally grateful to be pregnant as anyone could be, but DAMN, I was swollen and my wrists hurt like crazy, and I dropped things all the time when my fingers went numb, and I was pretty miserable. It doesn't mean you're less grateful to be pregnant, or that you love your baby less. As you said, it means you're mortal and it still isn't so pleasant.

[dish]

I tend to get occasional bouts of carpal tunnel and I have found that a rigid brace while sleeping helps a lot. I am not sure if I am crunching my arm around when I sleep and aggravating the situation or what's going on (as I'm sleeping at he time). But the rigid brace at night works for me. Hope you find a good solution.

And please feel free to complain about the aches and icks as much as you want. I felt guilty about any complaints with my first pregnancy (IVF) because, as you said, we go through a lot to get there, so we'd better enjoy it, dammit. This time it was a surprise, and while I haven't had much to complain about yet, I'm going to just be as normal as possible when I need to complain. Being pregnant is being pregnant. And it sometimes hurts. And everyone in that situation gets to complain regardless of how they got there.

[LMM]

As yet another one who as experienced IF and three losses only to find myself almost magically pregnant, I made all those same deals. It was only when I was smiling and giving the "isn't this great!?!" thumbs up WHILE VOMITING that my husband got me to see that I was being a bit crazy with the not complaining.
But I still feel guilty when I do.

[Jessica]

Lots of advice already on the wrist, but here's some more--if you can get those Thermacare wraps where you live, the neck/shoulder kind should be perfect for wrist-warming. I don't have carpal tunnel, but I do have tendon problems, and I find that applying heat helps enormously, plus the thermacare wraps reduce the range of motion of my wrist a little so I don't hurt myseflf further; sometimes I wear them under my brace.

[beth]

For me, to help with the CT- heat occassionally and wrist splints wrapped tightly. That may sound counter productive but the tightness helped constrict the movement into "owie" areas and helped me function with things.

On the upside- it seemed to come and go-- I would go through weeks of living in my wrist braces and then times where I didn't think of putting them on.

Try to see if they'll let you try them on-- you may get by with the simple little wrap- kinda like an ACE bandage with some velcro which gives you more mobility than something with a splint.

Good luck- and don't feel guilty about complaining. Pregnancy is hard, it's frustrating, and there's darn little you can do about any of it most of the time.

[Sam]

Get a wrist brace NOW. Wear it when you sleep, especially because you might be sleeping on it funny which will make it worse. The brace will save your life. Or at least minimize the pain. Also, every woman can bitch about being pregnant. It's okay.

[Alexandra/Infertile Gourmet]

Oh please my friend....we infertiles have earned the right to complain more than the next guy! That is my phiosophy and I am sticking to it. We know how bad the other side is and how cold the island gets at night and just because we complain about motion sickness on the outbound ferry does not mean we want to turn the boat around! I sure as hell do not. Although in some ways I have never gotten off. So I am still waiting for my ticket to pregnancy island!