Lament of the firewalker

The slow process of decanting ourselves to the rental flat is becoming smoother now.  We've sort of gotten into a rhythm- come home from work, pack a few boxes, chuck everything into the back of our tiny car, grab the puppy, move boxes to flat, walk the puppy in nearby park, come home, collapse.  I'm feeling more relaxed now that we have, for example, a bed, a couple of chairs and a working TV. So thank you for bearing with me during all the stress! weeping! gnashing of teeth!

Before I get on to the next topic (a pregnancy-related ailment which is causing me a considerable amount of discomfort and sleepless nights), I feel I must preface it by a wee tangent on one of the thorniest of issues: that being, "Infertiles Fortunate Enough to Get Pregnant but Who Now Seem to Be Complaining about Pregnancy".  It does seem such a potential minefield- and I for one never predicted that I'd be in a position of tapdancing around certain subjects. But here we are.

You see, the thing is, when you are in the throes of infertility, there is a whole lot of plea-bargaining with the universe that goes on. In many respects, it very much resembles the classic Kubler-Ross stages of grief.  Whomever you choose to cry out to in your hour of need may of course depend on your personal religious/spirtual inclinations; in my case, it was usually a desperate call to some amorphous, unnamed higher power that might be able to help. 

As in, "please [insert deity of choice here], please, I'll do anything.  Anything, anything to have a child. Please let this be the month. Please let the IVF work. I'll be good as gold if I get pregnant, I will walk with a skip in my step, I will stop making snide remarks about the size of my sister-in-law's ass, I will be nicer to my colleagues, I will give more money to charity, I will do more recycling and help save the planet. I will get down on my knees every day in eternal gratitude, PLEASE.  I WILL DO ANYTHING. I WILL WALK OVER HOT COALS, IF YOU ASK ME TO."

Those hot coals, though?  Hot. Really damn burny hot, as it happens.  Aiiieeee!  Scorchio. Foot flambe.

So, you find yourself pregnant, but with badly scalded soles. What then?  You're no less grateful, and you wouldn't take back your firewalk, so happy are you to be on the other side; however, your fried tootsies are now in undeniable agony. And last you checked, you're still only mortal. Pain still hurts, notwithstanding that ultimately it takes you where you want to be.   

Anyway. Enter the complaining; or at least what could easily be perceived to be complaining.  It's not, I hope you understand, whining in the traditional sense, but more the fact that despite the gratefulness of having achieved mission impossible, I still can't help but let out a little yip of discomfort now and then. 

In my case, the problem is not in my feet, but in my left hand and wrist. At first I thought the pain was the result of sleeping on it "funny", since I've been trying to adjust to reclining on my left side at night, and my arms often seemed to end up under me. In the daytime, it seemed to improve. But then it went on, night after night, becoming worse and worse. To the point where I now wake up in agony every single night about 1am and cannot get back to sleep. I toss and turn and grizzle for hours, until falling into an exhausted stupour about four, only to be awoken all too soon by the blaring of the dreaded alarm clock.  Frankly, it sucks.

Finally, after consulting Dr. Google, I realised I am experiencing carpal tunnel syndrome.  No idea why it's only in the left hand, but that in itself is enough. Apparently it's meant to go away or improve after pregnancy; however, the prospect of another 16 weeks of this much discomfort is not exactly encouraging.   Plus, it's interfering with my knitting, damnit!

A remedy, I discovered last night during one of my wee hours surfing sessions on the internet, is to take vitamin B6 supplements. I trotted myself over to the chemist today to stock up, and am hoping it works. If not, I guess I'll have to look into a wrist brace or somesuch. Or does anyone else have any suggestions?  The pain is one thing, but the sleep deprivation is... well... let's just say that like many people, I really don't function at my best when I don't get enough zzzzs.  I mean, I know there are plenty of sleepless nights ahead, but I was kind of hoping that the reason for keeping me up at night would be a lot cuter and cuddlier.   

Comments

[Tonya]

You have earned the right to kvetch and moan as much as you need. Pregnancy, while a blessing, is not easy for many of us and we all know you've paid your dues. Hope you get some relief from the CT soon.

[Amyesq]

Ouch. I am really sorry to hear about your carpal tunnel. I have no experience with it so I can't help you at all. Please, though, complain all you need. I never made any such deal with anyone and firmly believe that no matter how you come by your pregnancy you have every right to kvetch about your bodily changes. Same as you have the right to complain when your kid won't sleep/eat/does something assy. You have been through enough, the last thing you need is to feel bad about complaining.

Good thoughts coming your way and hoping you can find something that alleviates the carpal tunnel. Also, I know you are busy but we have seen no doggie photos in an absolute age and he must be SO big by now.

[the grendler]

Get the SmartGlove wrist brace -- it's soft with a pad on your lower palm for computer typing. It's very comfortable and will alleviate the pain. I have lurked for a long time. Congratulations.

[Jack]

My CT started in both wrists/hands/fingers at about 30 weeks and I'm sorry to report it still hasn't gone away (my son is 10 months old now) Some mornings they ache so bad I can barely wipe my arse! Just thinking about knitting makes my poor digits ache! Hope you get some relief with the wrist supports.

[Jennifer]

Sorry about the carpar tunnel-I had a really mild case towards the end with my first, but I think that it only really happened because I was hugely pregnant during a really humid August. Fluid was trapped EVERYWHERE.

As a fellow infertile, I know that it is easy to feel the guilt. Not even so much for all of the deals, but just that you know that there are others out there that would kill to have what you have. No one in their right mind would wish IF on someone else. However, at some point, you have to realize and accept that you DID get to the next step, and that this step, as with all of the others before it, has hurdles and complications and discomforts. Its just another step. Besides, I don't think that anyone gets points for being the toughest during pregnancy. Just enjoy what you can, try to cope with what you can't enjoy, and look forward to the ultimate end goal-a healthy baby.

[MichelleL]

Another vote for the brace. My DH had horrible carpal tunnel from construction work. The brace helped but he ultimately had the surgery (which often can be done laproscopically, pretty easy as surgeries go) -- although I have never known anyone who did not have some sort of repetative motion issues that needed the surgery -- so I seriously doubt you will need it.

Complain away!

[Shelley]

As you're going to bed, relax your hand and lay your wrist straight. If you are balling your hand and curling it inward, you will make it worse. If you're on a keyboard, try to avoid turning your wrist at an angle -- that is, keep the wrist and hand in a straight line, without tensing muscles to get that way.

You (and anyone who is pregnant, IMO, infertility struggle or no...I'm with you, laughing mommy) are so entitled to feel the way you do, and I'm sorry that one of the side effects of infertility is a nice heaping load of guilt when a pregnancy is achieved. It doesn't mean you want to be pregnant any less or aren't grateful to be in this position. Do give yourself a break, OK?

[-Blue]

Late with this assvice, sorry!

As yet another long-time infertile who's gone on to have children; I say whinge away. However the pregnancy began, it doesn't erase all the arsing symptoms! I complained non-stop, just read my blog.

Re the Caral Tunnel; ditto the brace, the heat (I also preferred it), the knitting perhaps aggravating it. Two things I found helped me were drinking tonnes of water and elevating my hands (like over my head. I'd recline a bit, elevate my swollen feet and toss my arms up over my head. Imagine a Victorian woman draped backward over a fainting couch, lol)

Hope you get some relief soon!

-Blue

[sarah]

I'd suggest a visit to the osteopath or chiropractor. At the very least a massage.

[carrie]

Coming to this late, and usually a lurker, and not sure if you're even going to be able to read it! But! My husband is an acupuncturist and when I started to have carpal tunnel, he gave me a few treatments (3 maybe?) and it was GONE. My friend also had carpal tunnel, he gave her a few treatments, and the same - GONE. If there's an acupuncturist in your area, it should really really help, fast, and eliminate your need for a brace, injections, etc. Hope you're feeling better soon!

[Melissa]

I developed it within 15 minutes of giving birth to my first baby. It was the strangest thing. I was all loopy from the drugs and actually holding a real live baby that was mine, when all the sudden this horrible pain came to my right wrist. Acupuncture helped me. It took a while, but it went away. Now it's back with a vengenace at 35w with #2. I had acu on it last night and it feels much better this morning.

[Lurker X]

I know I'm very late to the conversation, but if the other suggestions don't work to your liking, you might check out topricin.com. I have never experienced this problem, so I haven't used topricin. Apparently, this stuff was originally developed "as a treatment for severe carpal tunnel syndrome" and is "Safe for everyone, including children, infants, pregnant women and the elderly".
Sounds worth a try (or at least worth investigating and asking your doctor)...