Botany and the boob

After nearly 11 weeks, it feels like we have maybe begin to turn a corner. Most days, she's more delightful than not.  Yes, she still has screamy meltdowns and spells of general pissitude, particularly at the end of the day but nothing like before. And the now frequent cooing, gurgling and grinning? I am floppy with love at the sight.  So you were all right- it does get better. It's still damn hard work and there are plenty of ups and downs- but I am beginning to think maybe I can do this.   

I'm conscious that on the breastfeeding front, we have a relatively charmed time of it- and for that, I am extremely grateful. Sure, I confess I had my doubts at certain points; for example, during the first couple days in hospital, I was the only woman in my room who was breastfeeding, and I really felt like the odd one out as my baby screamed all night while the others lay in a contented stupor. I flailed a bit as some of the nurses were less than helpful in answering my pleas for advice about whether I was doing it right.  Luckily, the day I was discharged, l had some terrific support from one of the midwives who took some time to help me with positioning and assist with expressing some colostrum into a syringe (an experience I am not particularly desperate to ever repeat) so that we could see that Botany was in fact getting something to eat.

I wasn't too crazy about the first couple of weeks when every latch-on was initially accompanied by exquisite searing pain; and when it seemed like that latch-on had to occur every other hour or so. But by then it was confirmed that Botany was gaining weight well and I could see she had gold medal champion breastfeeding potential, so I was determined to continue. And it did eventually improve- to the point where I apparently developed nipples of steel and can now basically let her gnaw away on me for hours on end without batting an eyelash. Yay.

However, it wouldn't be a rose garden without a few little thorns; one in particular causing a certain amount of inconvenience (a term I choose carefully, because I don't think it's entirely accurate to classify it as an actual problem.)

Back during the colic days, someone commented about the possibility of my having an overactive letdown/too fast flow. I sort of shrugged it off, because I didn't really see any signs of it, other than a little bit of occasional spraying. But then over the weeks, the spraying became more like a fire hose in action, the milk going everywhere in a strong, unstoppable stream and poor little Botany gasping and choking. She'd pull herself off and the spray would keep going all over her face, clothes, me; eventually I'd stem the flow with a cloth before we could resume. Recently I've gotten in the habit of keeping a bottle by the nursing chair, to catch the output (figuring why was I wasting my time pumping when all this bounty was soaking my shirt without prompting.) If it's really going crazy, I nurse her uphill to calm things down, and during the night feeds, I routinely lie down with her to keep her from getting a gobful when she's half asleep and unprepared. 

So, fortunately, there doesn't now seem to be any major adverse effects other than soggy clothing and a bit of occasional fandango in that she sometimes copes with it by doing by latching herself on and off repeatedly in order to catch her breath. It's a slight pain in the ass if I am nursing her in public; there was one day when I began to fear that people sitting next to us in the cafe were going to look down to find they were were now drinking cafe au lait instead of black espresso. It also makes for nursing activity which is a little more athletic than I'd prefer when trying to discreetly shield my boobs from passers- by. And I do now wonder if in fact it was a contributing factor to the colic symptoms experienced earlier. But I try to ascribe to the theory of too much a of good thing can be wonderful, and so we manage.

The other issue is that she won't take a bottle. Or, rather, she may drink about an ounce, with considerable teary thrashing, wailing and protest. I sort of blame myself; you see, on the health visitor's advice, we did initially give Botany a bottle once a day so that she could get used to it (and not become too fixated on the boob).  She wasn't exactly wild about it, but she'd drink it, as long as somebody other than me was feeding her.

But then we hit the colic weeks. Prior to that point, the logical approach was for E. to give her a bottle, either when he got home from work or the last feed before bed. However, given that it suddenly took very little to work her up into a lather, I was keen to avoid anything and everything that might contribute to her apparent digestive discomfort. Particularly at 6pm- which was the time most likely E. would return home but which was also the Prime Witching Hour.  And 10.30pm? Forget it. All I wanted to do was collapse into bed after a peaceful dreamfeed, not deal with a screamy windy baby.

So Bottle-Time lapsed for awhile. And when I finally worked up the nerve to reintroduce it, she had totally gone off the idea and refused outright to have anything to do with it. ever. again. 

Being a solution-oriented kind of girl, I tried everything I could think of to get her back on track. I have tried: heating the milk to very warm, heating to lukewarm, not heating it, heating the teat, not heating it, giving her three different types of formula, giving her only expressed breastmilk, giving her a mix of the two, having E. give her the bottle, having his mother give her the bottle, having my mother give her the bottle, me giving the bottle, giving it in different rooms in the house, giving it in the morning, giving it at night, giving it when she was very hungry, giving it when she was not so hungry; trying FIVE different types of bottle and teat- slow flow, fast flow, medium flow, upside down doing the conga flow.

NOTHING WORKS.  She hates it and she cries cries cries, before the beloved boob appears as a peace offering, because I can't stand to see my darling baby so distressed over anything, much less food, especially when it is freely abundant courtesy of yours truly.

At this point, I've pretty much given up and am resigned to it. Indeed, although I initially panicked (and had the sense that the prison doors were clanging shut around me until she is weaned) I am not going to go so far as actually complain about it. I do feel a little wistful sometimes when I hear other mothers discussing how their husband does the last feed of the night so they can go to bed early, or out to dinner, or do something that involves being away from the baby for more than a couple of hours at a time. I sometimes feel a little weary with the responsibility of being the sole food source. And I do worry what would happen if I ever, say, fell under a bus.  It'd be nice if she would take just one bottle a day so I could occasionally have a break.  But- so be it. If I had a choice, I wouldn't trade one second of those peaceful moments of feeding her, with her warm little body snuggled up next to me, her little hand in mine.    

Comments

[Jean]

I am so glad to hear that things are going better. I had a very overactive milk flow as well and my lactation consultant tought me that you can control the amount of milk flow by using the other hand and holding a slight pressure above the nipple area. This was a huge help in public and at home as the little man was no longer gagging and gasping at the boob. Also the only bottle the boy would take was the ones we came home from the hospital with, they were the latex free nipples ( that looked like the old latex rubber kind), that's it, none of teh other 12 different kinds we tried would work. We also learned to not offer the bottle when he was starving, but just getting hungry as he was much more accepting of it. Good luck getting the little miss to take some!

[Veronica]

Yay for having nipples of steel. I can't actually feel mine anymore unless Amy bites me.

We WON'T take a bottle either *sighs* now that she is bigger (14mths) it isn't such a big deal because she only has 3-4 feeds of a daytime (do not ask me about nights ok?). I started her on a sippy cup quite early, I think she was 4mths old and as long as I was holding it for her she drank okay from it, as long as it didn't contain breastmilk (I only ever gave her water in it).

Those clanging prison doors? They only stay shut until 6mths or so when you start giving solids. Once solids are started then other people can have a go feeding Botany and give you a much deserved break.

Good luck! I'm glad to hear you are doing okay :)

[Kate]

Have you tried the breastflow bottles? They mimic the boob shape and latch, so they can be very helpful in this type of situation.

On amazon here: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20071105.WBstreetwise20071105074307/WBStory/WBstreetwise

The over-active let down gets better too, by the way! I had that with the pulling off, etc., and now she barely ever does that and nursing in public is so so much more feasible and pleasant.

[Kitty4paws]

Well done on the nursing, My eldest was similar, ok with a bottle when very tiny, then we took break due to my Father's death, and when we tried again no bottle AT ALL would do.

Things that did work, but are more hard work for the feeder, spoon feeding, or the little cups they use for prem babies ,they lap at the milk like a little kitten,
I also used a small pipet, but all these methods are pretty time consuming and not great if the baby needs lots of food NOW!!!!

my little one seemed to hate anything that was pretending to be a nipple but was just about ok with stuff that wasn't trying to be a nipple at all IYKWIM.

As said above, best not tried when baby is really hungry but could tie little one over for a bit longer so you can get a bit more rest.

Good luck

[Jo]

First time commenter, so first: congratulations on the arrival of Botany!

Now, the reason for my delurking: among all the techniques you've used to get Botany to take the bottle, the one thing I didn't see was position. I have twins (nearly 5, so long off the boob), and one of them also wasn't too big on the bottle. I was told that you should hold the baby in a position unlike the one they breastfeed in, so they don't associate position with delivery mechanism, so to speak. So when I fed my little boob-lover from the bottle, I laid her on my knees (head at top of knees, feet in my tummy) and held the bottle for her that way. Seemed to help.

[Heather]

To add to the above comments, try giving her the bottle after you've nursed her and you know she isn't too hungry. Maybe a 1/2 hour or hour later. Sometimes that works for kids who are too indignant by the change when they are hungry.

Good luck.

[lb]

I've had overactive letdown too, with all 3 of mine. It is a major nuisance, but does get better with time. I'm trying to remember when improved for me - maybe around 4 or 5 months? I wear heavy duty breast pads so I don't have to worry about the other side leaking, and I keep a towel handy for the spray when the baby pulls off. It is awkward when in public and they keep yanking off. I have to be very quick with the towel. But we get through it and it does get better.

None of mine would ever take a bottle either. I was never into making an issue of it, so we just muddled along. After they are on some solids (6mo or so) then you can get away with going out and having somebody give them that. Before that, but once they are old enough to sit propped up and control their head, you can sometimes have luck with a caregiver giving them an ounce or two from a cup. Something to try anyway, if you need to go out.

[Carla Hinkle]

My girls were also not that interested in a bottle. The first outright refused until 4 months, at which time I implemented the advice of a lactation consultant: put the baby in her carseat, on the floor. Sit behind her and lower the bottle down to her mouth, so she can't really see where it's coming from. Sounds silly but it really did work for us. And once we got her taking a bottle we really did have to be disciplined about doint it once a day.

I also had an oversupply and one thing that helped was only nursing on one side per feeding. It cut down on the supply "signals" to the boob and things seemed to even out.

Botany sounds like she's growing beautifully! Congratulations again.

[Tonya]

So glad that things (overall) are going well. I, to, have an overabundance issue, but it is most noticeable in one breast (lovingly referred to as the "firehose side"). I found that gently squeezing the areola on either side could help staunch the flow when my babes started getting overwhelmed. Also, if in public and needed to calm things a bit after baby pulled off, I'd press the heel of my hand over the nipple to get it to slow down.

Wish I had some help for the bottle refusal, but I never fought that battle well enough to win.

[JK]

Hey there,

I'm glad breastfeeding is going well... here's a couple of tips that worked to get my girls taking bottles... 1) Put them in a bouncy seat facing away from the person giving the bottle. Have the person (NOT YOU) give the bottle. Make sure you aren't anywhere in the house. Make sure she's hungry.

2) Wait until she's a little older. When my girls hit about 4 or 5 months old, they loved their bottles because they could eat while looking around. At 11 weeks, she's pretty little. Soon she'll be bigger and more interested in looking around and not just sticking her head in your chest.

3) Find a really experienced nanny sort to help you get her to take a bottle. Really experienced nannies are amazing at what they can get a baby to do (no crying involved).

Good luck!

[laughing mommy]

I had this same problem with my two girls and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only mom who heard the prison doors clanging shut. I was also jealous of the bottle feeding moms who seemed to have so much more sleep, and so much more freedom. But at least I could tell myself that I was feeding my baby the best possible food. I clung to that.

[Anna]

My eight month old has never had a bottle, we never tried it - I was too paranoid about nipple confusion.

I guess I am a bit tied to her still (less now that she has solids), but I'm so used to it now that I think it will feel weird to not be feeding her when she decides to wean.

We started with a sippy cup at five months which she loves to drink water out of, so one day I'll probably try some EBM in that.

Remember that the number of her feeds will drop as she gets older and they will become much quicker - Abi is down to about five minute on either side now.

Booby babies are a blessing, really. No fussing or refusal to deal with!

[cass]

I wonder if there are connections between these - the oversupply, the colic, the bottle-refusal. We worked on bottles at the beginning (after a suitable wait b/c of my paranoia about nipple confusion) and they never really loved them. But then, and I mention this because not everyone knows about it, I had an issue with one of my milk enzymes that made the milk go bad really fast, so my stored milk tasted gross, which I think might have been part of the bottle-refusal problem. By the time I figured it out, I had already adjusted to non-bottle babies.

So, I suggest tasting your stored milk, just in case. It should taste about the same as fresh - mild and sweet, usually, though sometimes the texture changes from being cold or frozen and then warmed. If the enzyme is off, it will taste and smell, well, bad. There's a fix - you scald the milk before storing it which destroys the wonky enzyme (which otherwise breaks downs the proteins, making the milk smell pre-digested). There's a longer description at kellymom: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/lipase-expressedmilk.html

[4katnap]

I'm wondering if you don't have the opposite issue as most people,(usually the bottle si easier to get milk from) if you let down is so great maybe the bottle is harder for her to drink from? Perhaps you need a faster flow on teh bottle?

Over all sounds GREAT! glad she's doing well.

[Becky]

Your Botany sounds just like my Alex. Adorabley boob-happy. It's a blessing AND a curse sometimes, isn't it?

[seepi]

We persisted with the bottle once a day because I was Desperate to get out of the house. and I can't remember how long it took (like weeks at least), but one day she just started drinking it.

But even if she won't, it does keep getting easier - they feed much quicker and you both know the best/easiest way to do it. And once they start solids it is easier again (although messy, but that's another story.)

[Andrea]

Delurking to say that neither of my boys took a bottle. Actually...I never tried. I nursed my first until he weaned himself at 16 months and I'm still nursing my 6 month old until he self-weans.

I agree that it gets easier and you will have time once they start solids where you can have some time away for dinner or whatnot.

They also get more proficient with their feedings. He only nurses about 5 to 10 minutes each feeding now and anywhere from 2 to 3 hours in between.

Personally...I think nursing exclusively provides a bond that is getting lost in the 'bottle world'. Bottles provide an opportunity for anyone to feed your baby. "Breast"feeding means only you can and it means you are never far apart from each other. Babies love that security and it's really something special.

Congrats to you and Botany!