What I had been intending to say went something along these lines

I hadn't been posting much because my parents were visiting and we were extremely busy with a number of activities. Including getting them moved into their new flat and extended baby shoogling.  Prior to their arrival, I had misty visions of long, leisurely afternoon naps (mine) while they walked Botany to the park in her pram, but somehow this didn't seem to happen. Probably because when the opportunity arose I was inevitably too busy gabbing to my mother and would end up accompanying her on said walks; arriving back at the house hours later all floppy and weary and un-napped.

Yesterday, even though I didn't really have time, I sat down and wrote a longish account of how Botany isn't anywhere close to sleeping through the night in apparent contrast to AllthePerfectBabies in my postnatal group, AllofWhomSleepLikeAngels.

And then Typepad ate the post. 

Oh well, I guess it wasn't that interesting, except from the standpoint of seeing how many grammatical errors I tend to make in a state of continual sleep deprivation. Other than being made to feel like a failing chump at times in contrast to the AllStarMothers, I'm actually not all that bothered about the sleeping thing at the moment. I kind of figure that she is only just three months old and given that she is exclusively breastfed and still relatively small, she's basically not going to sleep through. If I start having any sort of expectations of long nights of peaceful sleepity sleeps, I am only torturing myself. Or at least this is what I tell myself at three a.m when she wakes up. And then again at 5am.  And occasionally in the hour in between.

The other part of the missing post is where I discussed my intention to keep this site going for at least the immediate future, even though I had to confess to having some doubts about whether to continue, in light of my transition from infertility to mommy blogger (I use the latter term not to be derisory, but it is an easy categorisation). In hindsight, it's maybe all for the best that I lost the post because it possibly strayed into navel-gazing.  To paraphrase: I appreciate the direction has veered considerably from where I started out, and I am well aware both that not everybody wants to read about the minutiae of my parenting experiences from now on - but I'm cool with that.  Ultimately I like writing it for the sake of writing. And I feel often feel better and more connected (comments! so many helpful comments of late!) for having done so during these first few postpartum months which I have unexpectedly found quite isolating, anxiety-provoking and frequently pantwettingly scary.  Hopefully you can take what you like and leave the rest.

So, onwards. 

Comments

[Alex]

For whatever it's worth, it was right around or shortly after the 3 month mark that my DS started sleeping more-or-less through the night (At the time it seemed a lot like "more," since what I'd been experiencing up to that point was "less."). And even once it started, it wasn't perfect -- there were definitely lapses. But the overall trend was in the right direction, and that has continued.

In short, hang in there. The sleep deprivation is brutal, but hopefully it will start to get better for you soon.

[Catherine]

I like reading your post-partum posts just as much as before Ol' Mare. Yours was the most intelligently written, not to say stylish, infertility blog I could find. Hey, I may be infertile but that doesn't mean I have no scruples when it comes to flying apostrophes. 'Och Nooo!', as they say in your neck of the woods. And I wasn't chewing on lemons for very long after you got knocked up - I had my little girl (after years marooned on Infertility Island) last month, so your posts are even more relevant to me. Carry on blogging, I say. Catherine

[Laura]

But I DO want to read about the minutiae of your parenting experiences. Hell, I'd read your old shopping lists. My first baby is due in two weeks, and how can we make it through with BarrenMare (asterisk: with Foal)?

[K&M]

I'll keep on reading.

Max is now 6.5 months and the sleep thing is still hit or miss. Teething messes it up. Colds interfere. I think babies that sleep through are a myth. ;o)

[Veronica]

Sleep? What is that?

The babies in my mothers group started sleeping through randomly at around 4-6mths. By 12mths most of the babies were sleeping through every night.

Oh except for my baby (toddler now). Amy and another little boy still wake up heaps overnight. So yeah don't stress about the sleeping, it will happen eventually. Or so they tell me :)

[Anna]

Oh, you have to keep blogging! Please, parenting minutia is my life, and reading about yours makes me feel like I'm not alone.

And the sleeping? Abi is still waking at least twicea night and she's eight and a half months old. Several of the babies in my post-partum group were sleeping through at three months, but they have all gone through periods of waking between then and now.

Ignore all comparisons. Babies' sleep does not improve in a linear fashion and just under half of babies are still waking once or twice at 12 months of age. It has nothing to do with what you are doing or not doing.

Get zen about the sleeping, that's what I've had to do. One day she'll sleep through, but I'm not banking on it being any time soon. Co-sleeping is my friend.

[Carla Hinkle]

Can I tell you a big secret about Other Mothers' Tales Of Babies Sleeping Through the Night???

(stage whisper): THEY LIE!!!!!

Seriously, it seems to be some sort of status thing where moms exaggerate how well their baby is sleeping.

Or maybe they just downplay the wake-ups.("Oh, Junior (age X months) sleeps through the night mostly -- well, I feed him just before I go to bed at 11 pm ... and then the week he was teething he got up a bit ... and since he's had a cold the past 2 weeks it has been up and down ... and he's up for the day usually at 6, but sometimes as early as 5:30 ..." on and on ad nauseaum) In any event, yes, some babies sleep through the night at 3 months but my personal opinion is that they are FEW AND FAR BETWEEN.

Please keep writing!

[Jenn]

My twins didn't sleep through the night consistantly until 6 or 7 months. The other thing I found that other people's definitions of "sleep through the night" were different than mine. Some count 5 solid hours as sleeping through. To me though I didn't count it until they slept from the time I put them down to when it was time to get up the next morning.

[Toni]

Don't quit - please don't quit. I love hearing these stories and hearing that you are doing well (even without the sleep). It gets better, I promise. :) (Until she's 3...talk to me when she's three and we can cry together!)

[allison]

Delurking just to say, you help your baby sleep as you desire, not according to anyone else's reports. If you and baby are making it through, then keep up what you're doing, and see how it goes. I have found (after 4 children, hope it's OK I comment) that it is not about comparison to others, but about how your family functions best. Whatever that looks like. Nurse all night. Or none at all. Bottles, or just BF. Co-sleeping, or in a crib by day 2, cry it out, never let them cry...whatever suits YOU. That's what you go with. When you need something else, you'll find it. Just love her, and enjoy her. Period. Just my 2 cents.

[May]

I agree heartily with several points made above:

1. Parents lie about their "angelic" sleepers. (My colicky kid didn't sleep through by my definition (6 PM to 6 AM) until about 9 months of age.)

2. Different people do define sleeping through differently. Many classify the 5-6 hour stretch from dinnertime to midnightish as "sleeping through," To which I say HA. Not in my world.

3. I'd be delighted to read anything you care to post, mommy blog or otherwise.

[Hall]

Please don't stop writing! It's you and your writing that make the blog. And kids are great sources of blog fodder. It's great to see a happy ending, and to remember that happy endings to infertility stories are the beginnings of a different life.

[Tammy]

Please continue your blog!

[swissmiss]

Expectation is definitely half of frustration. It never occurred to me that my son would/should sleep through the night at three or four or even six months. I figured he's small, he's hungry, the world is a scary place, if you can't get some lovin' at three am when you're five months old what's the point. And that really helped me get through it. In the end, he was over a year old before I put a stop to the three am feeding.

[seepi]

There are plenty of IVF graduate mums looking for something to read as well.

And at least your Mommy Blog isn't going to stray into musing on whether to get pregnant with number 2 now, or next month in order to space out the family birthdays better.

I probably shouldn't say this but....mine sleeps through - some of them do. It was gradual improvement though. I classed 11PM to about 5AM as sleeping through at first. Then she started sleeping in longer and longer, and I kept up the 11PM feed for ages, cos it suited me much better than getting up at 5.

[stephanie]

Noel only started sleeping through (and by that, I mean actually sleeping through- from bedtime to light outside) the night when he was WELL over a year old. And then it was between teething and growth spurts. And now, he's got a cold, so we're waking again. Sleep is hard.
I bet the other moms are making it up.

[Becky]

I love reading your blog, please don't stop writing!

Sleep is overrated, and sleep deprivation is like being drunk all the time (but much cheaper). Honestly, it's hard as hell, my baby being 7.5 months and still up at all hours, so be sure to get help where/when you can.

Does motion help her sleep? A swing perhaps? Swaddling?

I wish you good luck with the sleeping. It's really hard, harder than anyone would expect.

[Anne]

Yes...sleeping through....My 11 month old goes to sleep at 6:30PM, wakes once at about 4:30AM to nurse, and goes back to sleep for another hour and a half. But that's in between teething weeks, cold weeks (frequent b/c she's in daycare and OH MY GOD WHY SOMEONE TELL ME WHY DID THEY TAKE ALL THE INFANT COUGH MEDS OFF THE MARKET I CAN'T DEAL WITH 3-HOUR COUGHING FITS AT 2 AM ANY LONGER!!!), having a nightmare weeks, and weeks with just random brief "partial wakenings" where she cries for 5 seconds but then I'm awake for 20 minutes waiting for her to do it again.

Yeah.

[Caroline]

(Another lurker revealing herself) Parenting is not an Olympic sport, and I don't understand the people who treat it as such.It makes it very hard for you to connect in a meaningful way with the other parents in your group if they are all desperately trying to outdo each other with their superior mad parenting skillz. You have my sympathies on that one.Perhaps it will get better as they become less insecure about their experiences.

I'm on baby number 2 (after much trying), and to my delight and dismay I'm finally beginning to understand that babies really ARE individuals.It's seems like such a simple concept to grasp, but I've only really got to grips with it now that the evidence of my own experience tells me it is so.

Baby number 1: breastfed, awake 2x for 20 mins max per night from 6 weeks to 6 months, when he started sleeping for 12 hours at a time. Baby number 2: breastfed, awake 4-5 times per ten hour sleep stretch at night. We're at four months now, and the longest she's ever gone between feeds (night or day) is 2.5 hours.

My point is...I have no point, because I'm so sleep deprived now that I'm almost on the point of hallucinating!

(Many people have said it, but it deserves repeating, it WILL get better.)

[Tonya]

I was always so annoyed when fellow Moms bragged about how well baby slept. My two kids could not have been more different: one "slept through" 10-5 at 5 months, the other had reflux and colic and did not sleep consecutively (11-5:30) until 14 months. And I was damn glad when it finally got to that meager 6.5 hours per night. (Sad how our expectations change with perspective!)

Sleep deprivation for me is the hardest part, and it's scary how quickly it returns when teething/illness/nightmares come to visit. Hoping you might have your mother around a bit more (?) to let you get some extra sleep soon.

[Sarah]

I have only now become officially infertile, and reading the minutae of your parenting is very inspiring.

[jo]

Don't stop! We love it!

And don't get too down-heartened by those non-sleeping-through stories. even if night wakings do persist, somehow tiredness doesn't.

[Amyesq]

Glad you decided to continue! I used to need to read about infertility island and now I need to read about being bogged down in the minutiae of parenting.

-Amyesq
Formerly of infertility island, now bogged down in the... well you get it.

[llp]

My son was exclusively breastfed, and started sleeping through the night around 8 months - from 7pm until 7am. As with everyone else, he is restless once in a while when teething, colds, etc. Once in a while he wakes up for no reason but a quick cuddle - I have plenty of cuddles to give, so I never mind. Which is easy to say now that I get lots of sleep, I guess...