Problem child

This may seem completely obvious to anyone who has ever started up a new business, but I’ve realised that in some ways, it’s a bit like having your first baby. You're very excited at the start, slightly nervous and full of uncertainty but yet happily anticipating the day you are up and running. Lots of people wish you well and say they will be supportive. You work yourself half to death labouring to get ready. Then as soon as you begin, you realise you have absolutely no effing idea how to do this, you are totally overwhelmed by the enormity of what you have taken on, you stay up all night working/worrying, and you realise the life you had before seems like its completely over. On the third day you come home and cry a lot while contemplating having a complete nervous breakdown. There are small arguments over relative trivialities and huge rows about the big picture. 

 

And then you get up the next day, and the next and the next and get on with it as best you can, in between mini panic attacks, lack of sleep and a general sense of anxiety and doom. In this case, I may not be so worried about dropping the baby on her head (or suddenly out of a window, which was a horrendous recurring mental image of mine  when Botany was a newborn)- but I am worried that we’re going to fail, and all that we worked for will be lost with nothing to show for it.   

 

People keep saying it will get better and it might but right now it does feel like something of a long dark tunnel for both me and Knox.  What surprised me somewhat is how quickly it morphed from being his business to really being our business. In hindsight, given what he was taking on, that was always going to be the reality but I was in some form of denial as to how much input might be needed from me. I suppose on the upside I am already used to working 16 hour days (what with already having a day job and a parenting job) so in many ways it’s not all that different to my current pace of life.  But it feels like some things I love and enjoy are falling by the wayside somewhat. Reading for fun? No time. Cooking proper meals? Not so much. Writing carefully crafted blog posts and starting my novel? Oh, how I wish.

 

I suppose it’s also probably just as well that, given the current levels of stress in the house, there isn’t another new baby on the way. I’ve been so busy that the complete lack of success in that department has barely even registered on the radar of problems. My real worry is that in six months' time, I will look up from working like a crazed weasel and discover that oops! I’m over forty! And I’m truly past it!        

 

Meanwhile, I’ve been feeling quite wistful in that I don’t get as nearly much time with Botany as I used to. She’s been completely sweet about a relative lack of attention from me up and indeed, been behaving like a angel- until this past weekend when I finally had a chance to spend a couple of days with her in a row. I eagerly looked forward to it all week and when it finally arrived, she immediately morphed back into a nightmarish little beast. Whining endlessly, throwing the toy I bought her for Easter at me, kicking me during nappy changes, impudently running away in the store car park and generally being something of a contrary pain in the ass. I  confess that her crying “I want my Daddy” repeatedly during one particular tantrum was especially irritating. Botany, my delicious darling, your Daddy is on yet another extended business trip out of the country for another two weeks, leaving me once again to carry the load on mostly on my own, so please don’t go there.

 

I’m not entirely sure what prompted Botany’s sudden change of temperament. Change of routine? Frustration at realising how much she's been missing me too lately? Or just the sudden whiff of power shift? I think if I am being honest, my guilt at not having more time with her has probably caused me to revert back to more of a pushover than I have been in recent months. It’s as if she can sense- and exploit- the slightest chink in my maternal armour and before I know it, I am being ordered around like a slave and dictated to by a toddler. It’s hard for me to find a balance between being a loving, attentive mother and also being the Top Dog in the house, She Who Will Not be Disrespected.    

 

I never like ending posts on a bad note if I can help it though, so I will counter some of the sense of doom and gloom by saying that at least my dental visit was fine in the end. I simply needed to have a further filling put into the root canal tooth.  It's slightly strange having a procedure done with no need for numbing up in advance- somehow, the idea that there is no nerve there definitely equals no pain required more of a leap of faith than my otherwise rational mind might have believed- but it was quick and yes, painless. Let us hope that the next visit in six months finds me in a calmer state all around.     

 

Comments

[Hairy Farmer Family]

Hang in there, Mare!

[areyoukiddingme?]

We had a similar situation to the Botany regression in our house. My husband had been away, and my daughter and I had finally come to a power hierarchy in which I was the boss. Then he came back, and we had to re-establish the rules. I think it will be an ongoing struggle, especially for a parent of a stubborn, strong-minded child.

I hope that your new business will soon be successful enough to hire many more people to handle the details, so you may have more time for yourself!

[Jamie]

Sometimes it has seemed to me that my children will bottle up all of their unpleasantness during times when I absolutely can't deal with it. Then when I have a bit more time, they say, "Oh, here you go, I've been saving this for you." Maybe that's part of what happened with Botany?

[Jo]

Oh i do hope we don't lose you to this - what an awful thought! Have you considered publishing your blog, by the way? Because you should.

[jen]

I'm going to agree with Jamie. They lose it when they can, when they know they have your attention, and when they can demand reassurance, annoyingly by pushing boundaries some more. Toddlers are crazy; it sounds as if you are doing fine. Good luck!

[Dead Bug]

Lordy, that is so true. They lose it when they have your attention. Just happened with not one but both of my kids last weekend, after two weeks of seeing them only at bedtime due to crazy work needs. As soon as I was available to be the bad guy/punching bag/refuser of treats, WHOOSH! They turned into beasts.

[julieb]

we skip home from daycare, chattering away, helping with the bags - and as soon as we get onto home turf, it's the hell meltdown.
Any post from you is better than no post! You're surely not hinting of a forthcoming hiatus....??

[Anne]

Yep, my 3 year old is always PERFECTLY behaved in public (school, play dates, you name it) but it's like she can only do that for so long and as soon as she knows it's "safe" (i.e., with me), she regresses for a bit. It's annoying but normal, I think.

BTW, when I get most frustrated with her, I try to remember that ADULTS tend to do this too: I know I'm usually more polite (and have better table manners!) in public than in the comfort of my very own home.

[Betty M]

Ahh the great skill of the toddler - pushing just the right buttons to drive a parent mad and rubbing it in by being perfect for everyone else. It will pass. Hang in there.

[Shanna]

Marjorie has been acting that exact same way and she is younger the Botany. It is so frustrating after having had such an agreeable girl for so long to suddenly have a dragonbaby on my hands. But then she will out of the blue give me a hug and tell me she loves me and things are better.
Good luck with the business and it will pass.

[Annie (Lady M)]

Oh my, can I relate to your post? I am now in the process of setting up my third business.

The things that you have written about what you are going through are totally normal. Business wise you will probably have a cashflow crisis until you hit the 9 month mark and then it starts looking pretty good. (still crap in the meantime though!)

My daughter also went through the 'I want my daddy' stage (and I found it heartbreaking at first). BUT! Now I understand it. It wasn't related to business, (so don't worry about the new business you are starting) it is because you are the stronger person in the relationship. Because you have a firm idea of discipline, your daughter will instantly try to get round things you don't like by asking for the easy option i.e. her dad)

You are doing the right things! Stay strong in the face of uncertainty!

[Barbara]

The bad behavior at home only might be interpreted as an expression of security in your love. Others, they might not come back she behaves bad. But Mom, when she stays no matter what, that is reassuring. Commonly children test this, forever.

[Danielle H.]

I'm with Barbara ... don't we all act the worst with those who we know will put up with it? Add to that a toddler's general limit-testing and lack of any sort of social filter, and there you have your weekend.

Sorry it was so horrible, even if it does show her love for you and faith in your permanence. Tough to hang on to that during a tantrum!

[Jericho]

Boo for your tough experience. Here's hoping it will smooth out and get easier...or else you'll just get stronger and won't know the difference anymore!! :)

[Panda]

Good Lord, Mare,

I go away for, like, forever, and when I come back to the intertubes you have not only a KID (with a stunning name, btw) but a new business! How strange that you should post this on April 6, which is the birthday of my first kidlet, when I too am trying to see through the birth of my third baby...my own new business venture.

Its bloody hard work, parenting plus business-ing. I have no idea what I'm doing on the parenting front and even less on the running a business front. Scarey stuff, both of them.

[sopoli]

Този път искам да направя някое нещо по-запомнящо се като подарък за празника на жената. Обичайно - цветя-метя обаче неизвестното е какъв да е основният подарък. Дрънкулки, парфюми и др под категорично минават обаче си е просто да се отчетеш. Иска ми се нещо определено нетрадиционно.

За сега това е:

1. в мола има едни триизмерни образи в кристал обаче трябва да сме заедно за снимката - по друг начин казано изненада няма как да има
2. една идея за екскурзия обаче няма време за организация, а и сме на работа
3. нетрадиционна идея за подаръче е портрет по фотография, обаче нещо не не може да ме ентусиазира особено и остава накрая

Да има нещо свежарско да можете да ми подскажете?

През миналата противна зима няма начин да не ти виснат [url=http://www.sopoli.info/]сополи[/url]

[sopoli]

Тази година ми се иска да направя нещо по-запомнящо се като подарък за осми март. Разбира се - рози обаче неизвестното е какво още. Бижута, гримила и други подобни винаги минават обаче на практика това си е само да се отчетеш. Исках нещо наистина интересно и оригинално.

До момента това е списъка:

1. знам за едни 3 D снимки в кристал обаче трябва да сме заедно за снимката - по друг начин казано изненада няма как да има
2. една идея за екскурзия обаче кога ще правя цялата организация, а и сме на работа
3. необичайна идея за подарък е картина по фотография, ама някак си не ме ентусиазира достатъчно и остава за резерва

Нещо необичайно да ви идва на ум?

В тая мрачна зима остава да не завъдиш [url=http://www.sopoli.info/]сополи[/url]

[sopoli]

За разлика от друг път ми се ще да измисля някое нещо по-различно като подарък за празника. Разбира се - цветя-метя обаче любопитното е какъв да е основният подарък. Бижута, парфюмчета и други подобни категорично минават обаче на практика това си е единствено да не е без хич. Иска ми се нещо значително по- оригинално.

До момента това е списъка:

1. има едни 3д изображения в кристал обаче се налага да сме двамата за снимката - по друг начин казано изненада няма
2. мислих за почивка да ама кога ще правя цялата организация, освен това и двамата нямаме време
3. оригинална идея за подарък е акварел по фотография, но някак си не не може да ме ентусиазира особено и остава за резерва

Нещо интересно да ви идва на ум?

По време на миналата противна зима остава да не ти виснат [url=http://www.sopoli.info/]сополи[/url]