Dear Liza

Days and days and days go by. In the rare spare seconds not consumed by brutally relentless work or parenting, I want to sleep or to just be, staring mindlessly at the telly with a glass of wine in my hand or occasionally reading. No matter how many blog posts I compose in my head in the shower or driving to work, by the time I actually get a minute to sit down and write, every last bit of creativity or motivation suddenly evaporates. It’s not that the well has run dry; there is certainly plenty in the depths that I want to say and share. But the bucket has a leak and I worry sometimes that it is fatally damaged and cannot be mended. Yet, although I continully come up empty handed, I don’t want to throw it away completely.  

I had an idea awhile back that the only way I could continue this was to stop writing so many long, lovingly composed letters to the internet, and instead start sending postcards for now. This approach doesn’t come naturally to me, which is probably why it failed before. I seem to have this inbuilt sense that unless there is a need for stark brevity, a post has to comprise so many words before ending. Sort of like I always know if I have left a cookie half eaten somewhere, it bothers to me to stop short. And- leaving aside my sense that I have to go at a certain length I’ve always thought that adopting this method might end up being akin to something resembling a slightly longer Twitter message, and Twitter tends to bug me. Having thought about why that is, I realised it’s because I become flustered by the sense of constant, distracting chatter and not knowing how to find my place in that seemingly overwhelming conversation.

However, I’m going to try this again and see if I can find my way back from feeling like this has become yet another chore that I never have time to complete properly, and enjoying the basic act of drawing up water.  

 

 

Comments

[a]

I suspect that it's more that you have a lot of steam to let off, but it takes energy to do it here. You have to be somewhat focused and coherent or you'll end up being displeased with your final offering. I can see that you put a lot of thought into your posts - the flow is good, there are rarely typos, you don't wander randomly off topic, and you don't end because you ran out of words. That takes a lot of effort. Perhaps, instead of working towards brevity, you could instead just go with stream of consciousness and let go of perfection? Maybe that would help you more?

[Sam]

Exactly what "a" said. I'm feeling original tonight.

[LutC]

Do postcards! ;-)

I don't twitter either.

[Betty m]

Postcards are good. Letters good to but needs must sometimes there is no time for anything but a p/c.

[laura]

I'm always happy to read your postcards. Or your fridge magnets, if it comes to that. Tell us about the café! Does it go?

[susan]

This is exactly how I feel about my own little blog, which has suffered long bouts of neglect and cobweb-accumulation while the blogging (and the pep talks about blogging) in my head continue at a breakneck pace. So no advice here except that living is more important than blogging about it so cut yourself some slack. Take a sabbatical. We'll be here when you get back.

[Katie]

Whatever you can manage, I know we all enjoy reading!

[Anna]

Yes to postcards!

(And how on earth can you leave a cookie half-eaten? You heathen!)