I really do want to get on with writing the next chapter of the birth story but we're slightly off the rails here just now. Colt seems to have three main operating modes:
* asleep
* awake and cooing/smiling delightfully
* awake and screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaming.
Guess which one he does most often- and primarily all night long? Uh huh.
After trying all the normal stuff- you know, over the counter remedies, expensive mail order probiotic drops, swaddling, a swing, white noise, various feeding positions, wearing him in a sling, a pacifer, goat sacrifice- I finally bowed to the inevitable and cut all dairy, soy and wheat out of my diet in an elimination experiment. That was a week ago. It's made a bit of difference, perhaps, but not much so far enough to be sure it's an allergy/intolerance problem. Given that I am starving continually from breastfeeding, it has also taken a certain amount of Herculean willpower not to break down and guzzle a entire box of chocolates daily. I miss hot buttered toast like a mournful jilted lover. I am miserably unsatisfied with fruit.
Yesterday was our 6 week baby check, with both the health visitor and the GP. Naturally, Colt was in top form at these appointments- he smiled gummily at the health visitor, waving his arms adorably and made sweet baby noises (he has the most delicious dove-like coo). However, my GP is a good listener and notwithstanding evidence to the contrary in front of her, she didn't dismiss our concerns. What she did do was prescribe infant gaviscon on the basis it may be silent reflux.
My instinct is that it is not reflux. He does have some occasional symptoms-there is a bit of back arching, for example- but he is quite happy to lie flat much of the time, he feeds well, and he doesn't spit up much at all. But then again, I could be wrong. He does get a hoarse little cry sometimes when he is full blown screaming mode, and he stiffens like a plank rather than bunches up. He does like being upright in the sling. In all cases, he releases bullet-like farts, which make him cry and then seem to ease the suffering. So we tried the infant gaviscon anyway last night in a frantic bid to calm him. I had no expressed milk left in the fridge and wasn't much up for trying to pump any at 1am, so we stupidly adminstered it with a syringe which was was a complete nightmare and left him with a distended belly full of wind with no relief whatsoever. We might try it again in a bottle, if I can bear it.
In short, it's pretty much hell and we don't know why. Initially I was quite composed about it all but after night upon night of virtually no sleep- I am just freaking exhausted. We tried at one stage to take it in shifts though the night but Knox 's sleep cycle is very easily thrown out of kilter. It reached the point where he was staying up until dawn, then needing to sleep during the day to recover- which is not exactly much help either as I still have to get up and deal with Botany most days. And I would like a nap too, if someone could please take the baby off my chest for an hour. Knox is also finding it harder than I am to remember this is probably just a stage which will eventually pass soon. I have virtually no reserves left to console him as well. And right now, relief is taking its slow and not terribly sweet time.
Ahhh, sorry things are tough for you guys. It sounds like it is hard going and even knowing 'this too shall pass', doesn't make it any easier right now ....
At the risk of offering assvice - my baby was a scrap of misery for a while and I was sure it was some sort of windy issue, but tried all sorts of stuff to no effect. On the recommendation of some other mums I took him along to some osteopathy sessions. Whether it was coincidence or not, he certainly improved!
I hope he improves soon and that you get a chance to rest - being tired sucks big time!
Posted by: Losh | February 11, 2012 at 03:27 PM
Oh, that's hard times. I would think extra hard when you gave experience and know it will eventually get better, and Knox doesn't. Hang in there..
Posted by: Carla Hinkle | February 11, 2012 at 03:51 PM
My daughter was exactly as you described. It was hell. Lasted from 6 to 12 weeks and frankly, I am surprised everyone in our family is still alive and that I am still married.
My belief (based on little actual evidence) is that it was neurological immaturity and an inability to fall asleep easily leading to utter over-exhaustion, thus the screaming. We finally hit on a trifecta: swaddle tightly in a miracle blanket, nurse to sleep after no more than 90 minutes of wakefulness, have partner turn on rocker swing, match swaddled infant in arms to rhythm of rocking swing, aaaaaaaand....transfer. She wold stay asleep much longer in the swing, caught up on her sleep, and life became tolerable again. It took forever to reach this solution, though. I hope you have more luck than we did. I really, really hope.
Posted by: May | February 11, 2012 at 03:53 PM
Fir us the miracle blanket, pribiotics and previcid made our lives livable. Also, the sleep deprivation made my husband psychotic. I calked his therapist one morning because I was so worried about him!
Posted by: Sarah | February 11, 2012 at 08:24 PM
So sorry it is being this hard. Feeling for you both. This stage is so much harder than anyone ever lets on beforehand so always takes you by surprise. Maybe because it was so difficult and the sleep was so rare, it makes it hard to remember once you are out from that cloud and that's why it is rarely talked about? Or even remembered yourself until you are back in that hole wontdering wtf happened and how to get out.
About the only thing you can do is remember the family is a team and all on the same side and to weather the storm together because you are all in it. It is not the baby's "fault", it is not your fault for doing anything imperfectly (you're still figuring out what works for THIS baby, and when you do figure it out he'll change his mind anyway or enter a new stage with new quirks and needs), you have not ruined your family or your lives. The only thing you and Knox can do is make it harder on each other by thinking you are in competition instead of in cahoots. It's all survival mode now. Survive TOGETHER mode. And being on the same page must be so much harder for both of you when Knox is effectively flying blind.
Best of luck, thinking of you. I hope Knox reads these answers to see that what you are going through is normal, that there is no one answer to making things easier, and that you WILL come out the other side.
Posted by: Toria | February 11, 2012 at 09:33 PM
Everyone is cranky with sleep deprivation - just try to keep reminding each other of that. Hope the little one finds some relief somewhere - so you can all get some much needed rest.
Posted by: a | February 11, 2012 at 11:10 PM
Are you sure it's not reflux. HOw soon after eating does he cry? Our daughter started immediately. Meds helped immensely. Also, you had a dog before and couldn't try the vacuum cleaner. How about now?
Posted by: Anita | February 12, 2012 at 01:01 AM
Oh no :-(. Poor Mama and Daddy! Do you guys have "Happiest Baby on the Block"? We used that with our daughter and it worked wonders- he has the 5 Ses ( swaddle, side hold, suck, swing, ssshhhhhh) that really worked for her. Maybe they would work for you too?
Posted by: Stephanie | February 12, 2012 at 02:05 AM
I have zero advice, just empathy and the not-terribly-comforting-at-this-stage thought that someday this will be a distant and not-so-horrible (because blurred) memory. I'm sorry Mare, hang in there and take whatever help you can get from any quarter it may be available.
Posted by: Alexicographer | February 12, 2012 at 04:19 AM
Ooh....almost forgot. My mom had a clock that played nature sounds- we put it on "ocean" all night and she slept like a dream. We brought it home with us- she slept with it on all night until she was two (when we moved it into her new brother's room). Maybe try that?
Posted by: Stephanie | February 12, 2012 at 07:25 AM
Ugh. So sorry.
Posted by: Sara | February 12, 2012 at 02:32 PM
Sorry to hear this Mare - we went through this with our no. 1 son - we tried everything and anything (no matter how ridiculous!) and I firmly believe there is no magic bullet and that some babies are just like this and need to grow out of it. For us, anyway, it was a matter of endurance. One expert (and I read many in my desperation for a solution) suggested that, in his experience, babies like Colt typically grow into high achieving individuals. Ours is now one (at 9 years old) so, you never know?? Anyway, there's no denying it's a really, really tough time for you right now and I can only empathise. PS Knox's happiness is not your responsibility or problem right now so please don't feel that you have to do anything to make it easier for him. Your plate is full!
Posted by: Kylie | February 13, 2012 at 01:01 AM
Our second daughter cried for the first six months of her life. Even my husband, a veteran dad of five once she came along was found muttering, "We should be able to put her down for ten minutes without her screaming." She ended up on Zantac for reflux at four months old and finally, at six months old, it kicked in and she stopped crying and started sleeping and we all regained a semblance of sanity.
My heart goes out to you all. This is such a tough time but you're right, it does get better. You just have to get through it, though.
Posted by: Tommie | February 13, 2012 at 02:46 PM
Ugh, ugh, ugh. Giving me trauma flashbacks just reading about it. We tried lots of reflux medicines and they didn't seem to work. We developed a crazy rocking technique that did work at times. Really wide side to side swinging and the big movements seemed to help. The swing also helped. Also, husband I divided the night, which it sounds like you tried. He would take ten to 2 and I did 2 to 6 sleeping as far from everyone else as possible. And then it was over by around 3-4 months. I know when you're in the midst of it, another six weeks sounds unliveable but you will survive! Thanks for sharing it all with us.
Posted by: Erika | February 13, 2012 at 08:41 PM
Bleargh, I feel for you guys. I also have some mild PTSD from those days and now, after two children, have absolutely zero desire for another infant. "Happiest Baby On The Block" worked well for our first but didn't do a damn thing for the second; the only thing that worked for the second (kind of, half-assedly) was to walk with her continuously strapped into a Baby Bjorn. Fortunately, she was born in June so I was able to walk outside and at least get some exercise that way!
No assvice, just significant empathy and commiseration. You'll get through it, I promise!
Posted by: Anne | February 14, 2012 at 03:55 AM
I'm so sorry to hear of the night screaming. A friend's baby loved being bounced on an exercise ball, which worked much more effectively than the swing until he got a bit older. The doulas recommended it and it really worked! This does of course mean that one of you needs to be bouncing him, but the jouncing motion calmed him right down and did make him sleep better afterwards.
Posted by: Ann | February 15, 2012 at 02:48 AM