I'm not feeling so great this evening, finding myself in a sad, droopy puddle in the bath after Botany went to bed. I'm sure I need time to grieve all the various losses accompanying the end of this relationship and all that malarkey. But frankly, the downward spiral of that particular whirlpool seems pretty overpowering, and I just don't want to go there yet. So to lift the spirits, let's talk about something positive. Here's five good things to hold onto tonight.
1. When my life imploded, it just so happened that the cavalry were already on their way- and indeed, are here now lending a hand. A few days ago, my parents arrived for a four month long stay. They are being incredibly supportive and helpful and refraining from saying "I told you so". (Even though they did and goddamn it, they were right.)
2. I cleared all the crap E. left behind out of his side of our closet, and this means I now have loads of space for all my stuff. I can finally unpack the boxes of clothes which have been sitting in the loft for the last year and lovingly stroke, fold and tidy my wardrobe into organisational oblivion. Bliss.
3. Even better, I've finally lost the last of the baby weight and I'm back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. Thus, no need to rush out and buy the dreaded fat pants to wear to return to work next month. My svelte self shall be swanning back into the office in my size 4 suits, thank you very much.
4. I made up the bed with clean, fresh sheets and pillowcases and my favourite duvet cover. I can read with the light on as late as I want, or turn it off whenever I get sleepy. When Botany wakes at 5am, there is plenty of space for the two of us to curl up, her little feet flexing in her footy pajamas and her mouth opening like a baby bird to nurse.
5. The best gift I have ever been given is sleeping peacefully in the room across the hall. For really, how can I ever be completely unhappy when there is Botany in the world? I say her name and I imagine the rustle of summer, of green things growing, of a life awakening a little more every day.
What five things made you happy today?